mindset

kisses

"did you love any of them?"

eloise looks startled at his question. she and caleb are sitting on the bed in his dreamspace. his dreamspace is the most beautiful one eloise has ever seen. it's gorgeous, all sapphire-blue lake water and evergreen trees and a bed that floats, floats, always floats. they're sitting cross-legged, the soft pads of eloise's fingertips brushing over caleb's cheekbones, his jawline, his eyebrows.

he sighs shakily beneath her fingers. "any of the others, i mean."

she looks at him and reminds herself that she decided to stop lying to him days ago. and so she lets herself smile a little, because she wants to, and lifts one shoulder in a shrug. "i loved them all. you know that."

caleb closes his eyes and she lets her fingertips skim over his eyelids, leaning forward to press a light kiss to each one. he opens his eyes and she's still there on the floating bed with him, all scraggly blonde hair and big grey eyes and oversized sweatshirt. "but did you love any of them."

she sighs and pulls her hands away from his face, not looking at him this time. "yes, i did." she wraps her arms tightly around her stomach and she's so little and she's been going through this for so long and so caleb thinks it's best that he just shuts up and drops it. "i don't talk about them because it's too hard. they all leave. every last one." she looks up at him, but she's not crying, because that would make her less than perfect. "i love jeremiah, you know."

"i know," caleb says, because he does. he's seen the way she looks at him.

"but i loved them all. and i love you all." she offers him a half-smile. "i'm always falling in love with people."

"i've never been in love with someone," caleb says, and it's true, because he hasn't.

she looks at him and he looks at her, and then she's leaning forward and sliding her slender fingers into the hair at the base of his neck. her lips taste surprisingly sweet and she kisses him hard, like she's saying goodbye.