The Coño Boy 3: Love What You Will

Chapter One Hundred: Wonderful Journey

Doña Idang: [on the line] Uuwi ka ba, hijo? Bababa ang Virgen sa tapusan ng Flores.

*Bababa ang Virgen is this century old tradition where an image of the Virgin Mary is mounted on a mechanism and they literally make her come down to earth to be offered flowers to during Flores de Mayo.*

Sean: [on the line] Lemme see if I have no more exams by the 31st, Lola. The schedule's been moved back a lot kasi.

Doña Idang: [on the line] Tell me if you're coming home. I will be hosting a dinner.  You can invite your friends if you want. Such Fun!

*I think Lola Idang's having too many reruns of MIRANDA on Netflix. And pati si Lola Doray, she got hooked on Netflix because of her. She likes watching "The Crown" by the way. *

Sean: [on the line] Who will be this year's Rosa Mystica, Lola?

Doña Idang: [on the line] No lo sé, mi hijo. [I have no idea] She's a Taga-Guitna, that's for sure.

Sean: [on the line] Sige, Lola. If we have nothing scheduled after Finals, and there's nothing due na that time to submit, I'll come home.

Doña Idang: [on the line] Promise, hijo?

Sean: [on the line] Lola Idang naman eh, you're cornering me with that question.

_ _ _

Finals Week.

Sean: One more written exam and I'm finally free!!!

I drop my postman's bag and a stack of handouts on the table. I got to school early so I can scan through my handouts just to make sure ma-retain ko yung info before I take the exams in like two hours. It's a Wednesday so Joaquin's the first to get to campus before I do.

*I swear, ako nga tatawid lang from Xavierville eh I barely make it on time. He's all coming all the way from Serendra pa ha.*

I sit on the chair beside Joaquin and lean onto the table, dropping my head over my bag, usingit as a makeshift pillow. I rest my eyes for a bit. I can smell Joaquin's Bvlgari perfume, it's relaxing.

*Oo na, nagpapa-pansin ako 'cause gusto ko lambingin niya ako.*

Joaquin: Dude?

Sean: Yeah?

I answer with my eyes closed.

*I'm also wondering how these guys get these tables at Macci on constant reserve? Parang lagi na lang sila nandito.*

Joaquin: Dude...

I can hear his voice a little closer to my ears.

Sean: Ano nga?

I keep my eyes shut.

I could feel that he's really closer to me na.

His torso, even by a feather's width upon my back is making me feel all tingly inside.

Joaquin: Dude, paano ba yung feeling na may natira ka pang finals?

*What the eff!*

Sean: Not funny, Joaquin!

I spring from my position, grab the stack of handouts and start hitting Joaquin on his right shoulder with the rolled-up handouts. Joaquin is quick to get back onto his chair, and with his arms, he attempts to shield himself from the reign of terror I unleash using the handouts.

Sean: Just because you got exempted from taking like three final exams, doesn't mean you can look down on us mere mortals.

Joaquin: How was that "looking down on you"? I was only asking you a question, Dude.