The Coño Boy 3: Love What You Will

Special Chapter 97B: The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth

Joaquin's Point-Of-View

He's spacing out again. That's the third or fourth time today since we got to school.

Joaquin: Dude, you okay? You've been awfully quiet.

That's also the third or fourth time I asked him today. Not counting the hours when he attended class, I have no idea how many more times he's spaced out.

Artie: Oo nga, Sean. You should be glowing with bliss! You're like the envy of every girl or guy that's ever had the hots for Joaquin. And may I just say, there's a lot of them. I think I have the list somewhere.

Joaquin: Shut up, Artie.

Sean: Why do these things keep happening to me? I have lived a pretty boring existence up until recently. Why now?

Artie: Is there anything else you guys aren't telling us?

I look at Sean asking for his approval if I should tell the guys what happened just this morning bago kami umalis ng house ni Tita Agatha at Xavierville.

Joaquin: Sean just received a very antiquated marriage proposal this morning.

Artie: What? A marriage proposal? Aren't you moving a bit too fast for your own good, Joaqz? You just gave us the good news na you're undisputedly together-together then may proposal na agad the next day?

Joaquin: Not from me, you idiot!

Caleb: If not from you, then kanino?

Sean: I don't know.

Artie: Huh? You don't know? Paano— how does one receive a marriage proposal from someone he doesn't know? And how do you know it's a marriage proposal.

Sean: It's a red box.

It takes about a few more seconds for everyone around the table to realize how disjointed the idea of the red box is to the words marriage proposal.

Artie: A red box? Sorry, I don't follow. What's a red box got to do with a marriage proposal? Is it like in that Chinese movie we had to watch for English Class yung may red lamp na they move from one lady to the next and that's who the master of the house marries or something?

Caleb: That's "Raise the Red Lantern", Artie! Walang marriage proposal there. The Red Lantern is hung before the door sa quarters of the wife or concubine. That's where the Master of the House will be staying the night. You're mixing it up.

Artie: Okay, my bad. Back to the question, ano yung about the red box?

Sean: Back in the day, when marriages were arranged sa amin, the families —specifically the principalia— would receive marriage proposals using a red box. Every family has one red box for this purpose.

Artie: Arranged Marriages? Why? May Chinese ancestry ba mga tao sa inyo?

Sean: I can think of two family names na may Chinese sa line nila. But what's that got to do with me nga?

Artie: I think I've seen those things when we attended a Chinese wedding box and they give them to the bride.

Caleb: Artie, you're referring to Chinese wedding baskets. Wala pang actual wedding ceremony; Sean's talking about a proposal in a box.

I'm starting to think that Artie and his brain aren't in synch yet. Maybe naiwan niya sa beach over Holy Week? He's really slow today.

Rusky: Joaquin, baka naman you have something to do with that?

Joaquin: If I knew about it, sana I thought of sending a red box na to Sean's Lola last weekend pa.

Sean: Ano ba, Joaqz? Not funny! Whoever it was who made that box sent it to my Dad! For sure, my Mom's going to find out about this too! Dad ko pa! He and my Mom like to comment on each other's Facebook posts —parang hindi lang sila nag-hiwalay, di ba?