The Coño Boy 3: Love What You Will

Chapter Eighty-Nine: Tube Ice Won't Make It Go Away

Iñigo: Can we all just say na okay na tayo then iwas-iwas na lang muna just to get out of here? I wanna sleep pa, this Salubong thing is feeling quite worn out.

*May ugali rin talaga this Iñigo, ano? I wonder kung anong nakita ni Joaquin in him.*

That broke the silence after Manong Eric, my Dad's driver knocked at the door and left a bag of ice that looks like he bought it from the 7-11 across the plaza sa table. Like the entire bag of tube ice as if naman Joaquin's gonna do an ice bucket challenge. Joaquin's not even minding that bag of ice.

I watch as Iñigo takes out a white handkerchief and picks out a few ice tubes from the bag, wraps them with his hanky, and hands that makeshift ice pack to Joaquin.

Iñigo: Careful, Sean. You look at me for too long, you may end up liking me.

*Guwapo ka nga, a$$hole ka naman! Kung puwede ka lang tunawin ng stare ko eh. Paging Cyclops, pahiram naman ng super powers mong Optic Blast.*

Joaquin: Ygz, come on, don't taunt him like that.

Joaquin takes the makeshift ice pack and dabs it onto his lightly bruised cheek. Good thing hindi masyadong napuruhan ni Jake si Joaquin, or that hit could have cracked his lip. It looks painful pero Joaquin's not even the slightest bit bothered as he dabs the cold compress onto that battered skin of his.

Iñigo: I'm not taunting him, I just want him to stop staring at me like he wants to peel me lika a dalandan or something.

Sean: Mahilig ka pala talaga sa mga taong may major attitude problem, ano, Joaquin? May pattern talaga. I mean, I can definitely see the similarities between him and Nerissa sa pag-uugali.

*There's no going back from here na. Sabi nga ni Uncle Scar sa Lion King: BE PREPARED.*

Iñigo: Well, Joaquin also took interest sa 'yo so that also means may attitude problem ka rin. Buuurrrnnnnn!!!

*Ang bilis ah. Witty si Inggo! Wait lang, maybe that's what I should call him. Inggo! Makes his name mabaho just by saying it! Inggo! Inggo! Unggoy!*

Joaquin: Can the two of you please just STOP muna!?!

He drops the makeshift ice pack onto the floor. I don't if he did that for emphasis pero I'm really at the end of my rope here too.

Sean: How ironic! Stop pala... If you actually know what that word meant, we wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place!

Joaquin: Well, we're all here, Sean. I did not throw that punch, okay? Nangyari na so let's just face this.  I don't know what is up with people these days eh, either I get slapped or get punched na lang. Buti sana if this were some game on the iPad na we can do a reset—

Sean: Game ka diyan... Okay... Since we're on the subject of games, nangyari na lahat ito because I played YOUR game, Joaqz. All the sneaking behind Nerissa's back—

Joaquin: Sean, Dude, I don't think this is the time to— You're making it sound like—

Iñigo: Kaya nga, let's just pretend we're all okay na so we can get the hell out of here muna. I don't wanna be in the middle of this drama. We can always tell your Dad na we're good na. Tell him Bati na tayo kahit hindi or whatever. Please, I don't want to deal with your baggage too. I've got enough baggage as it is. Let's just go!

Jake: Hindi tayo aalis dito hanggang di malinaw sa atin kung ano ang gagawin natin paglabas ng pintong yan.
_ _ _

It's about half past 7:00 am. We all start walking out of the main door of the municipio. Part of me was hoping that my Dad wasn't there and we could all make takas. But such is my fate that he would be standing there under the shade of the big tree on the left talking to some gentleman.