Silence (JinJi Fanfiction)

Chapter 3

Long chapters coming up! Thank you for those who actually read my story!

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Jisoo went back to her dorm and found herself alone. Apparently, her members were all out eating dinner with their other manager because Jisoo received a text from Jennie asking if she wanted fried chicken for dinner. Of course I want it, it's chicken, Jennie-yah, she smiled when she texted her bestfriend back.

She went straight to take a shower, sweaty from the long hours of practice. After she practiced in JYP, she went back to YG studio to practice her individual part as well as the group dance. In the end, she was told to dance to Ariana Grande's song "Side to Side" and much to her dismay, the dance was really sexy. Jisoo was a bit worried if she couldn't pull it off, since she was not that comfortable in showing her sexy side. Ironically, being part of Blackpink meant she had to be confident expressing herself. Girl crush. High-class. Elite. Their choice of stage outfit also tend to be fancy and sexy, almost experimental, rather than cute or casual. But to dance alone on stage...

No, Jisoo. You should stop thinking like this. You're Blackpink now. You can't let your members and fans down, she mentally scolded herself. She stepped in the bathroom and took off her clothes. When she was sure that the water temperature was just right, she stepped in under the shower. Humming her favorite song at that moment, she stayed under the warm water. Feeling the warm water as if it would heal her tired muscle, a comfort for working hard. The warm water drizzled on her shoulder, massaging her stiff muscle. She closed her eyes. As much as she liked having her members around, sometimes she wanted moments like this. A moment where she could be herself, a moment to stop smiling for the world. Now, the focus was all on her.

She thought about everything that had happened around her for the past few months. After her debut, things happened so fast that she almost couldn't catch up. Schedule after schedule, practice after practice. Not a single second went by without manager-unnie by her side, telling her to do this and that. It was almost controlling. She couldn't use her phone as freely as she wanted to, she couldn't use her phone so often in public. She had to keep her back straight everytime she walked or sat; she had to smile, or at least act elegant. She should never show how tired she was, or how sick she was on that day. The reality of being an idol.

It's funny. Look where I am right now. And I had always thought that I would debut as an actress, she reminisced the days when she practiced lines after lines, crying or laughing in front of camera. Or when she was chosen to film many CFs or appeared in MVs. She liked acting, she was really good at it. She could cry on cue, she could be mad or crazy in front of the camera. It was fun, it was thrilling.

But she stood here in a world of music and singing and dancing, in a field she was not that confident at. Of course she admitted that she could sing. In fact, her voice was stable and powerful. Dancing, though, was a whole different story. She was a foreigner in that world.

At least, there's still a part in becoming an idol where I have to act happy all the time.

Jisoo admired Jennie for having a natural resting bitch face because she honestly couldn't do it. Jennie's RBF was chic, it would not offend anybody. Hers, however, would make people think that she was mad. That's why she need to control her facial expression everywhere she go.

I don't regret this, though. Jisoo smiled to herself. Becoming an idol might not be her initial goal but it was definitely a wonderful thing. She met her new family now; bestfriends who became sisters. They went through difficulties together and they would miss each other when they were apart. Jisoo met new friends along the way, too, like Red Velvet's Seulgi. It was fun, and she got to act silly and fun, releasing all her stress, in variety shows.