Like To Be You |s.m|

12. It's More Than That

"You know that doesn't bother me, Iz!" He tells me, putting a hand over his face.

"But it does, Shawn! Stop trying to pretend that it doesn't! We're going over there to have ice cream and we're gonna have so much fun, don't you worry!" I tell him with a big smile as I start the car. 

Once we get to the ice cream place, I coincidently see Maeve wiping down tables through the glass of the windows. I drag Shawn up to the door as I knock on it and wave at her. She turns around, noticing us and quickly runs to the door with a smile. Before she could open it, Shawn mutters under his breath, "you're so embarrassing," which makes me laugh.

We each give Maeve a hug as we quickly catch up. I explain the situation to her and she immediately understands. Although she was very surprised to see Shawn in person for the first time since his career took off, she treated him normally, like a friend. I was so proud of myself for my quick thinking to come here, I knew that as soon as Shawn got his ice cream and we began talking to May and her co-owner Dylan, he was happy and at ease. 

A half an hour goes by and unfortunately, we have to leave. We say goodbye and thank Maeve and Dylan for letting us come in so early before leaving for the airport. 

My heart swells as he immediately leans over the center console to give me a hug as we get in the car, and whispers, "thank you so much for caring, and being the best friend in the world," in my ear. I rub his back with a proud smile, "I can see how it affects you, you don't have to hide it from me." I tell him as we continue to hug.

As soon as we get to the airport, I ask him whether I should just drop him off or come in. He thinks about it for a second before suddenly gasping. "We're taking a private jet! It's a promo tour so we don't fly commercial. You can come in because we get a gate to ourselves, no fans will see us, hopefully." He says with an excited smile. 

Andrew ends up calling Shawn and directing us to a private entrance where their gate is located. It takes a while, but we manage to find it with just enough time for them to go through security,  check in their bags, and have free time. 

As soon as we meet up with his crew in the lobby, I know it's time for me to leave. He turns to me with a big smile and open arms. I happily accept the hug and squeeze him as hard as I can. "I'm gonna miss you, Izzy-wizzy." He says as he sways us back in forth in the hug. 

I laugh as he does so, "I'm gonna miss you too, Shawny-boy. Don't you forget me when you become all big and famous in America, don't forget about Canada!" I can feel him laugh in our hug. 

"Well, you're just gonna have to FaceTime me every day to remind me what Canada looks like, three weeks in America does stuff to you." He replies sarcastically. We pull out of the hug and immediately start hysterically laughing. I look over to see that Andrew and his team look slightly annoyed and confused as they watch us.

"Alright, it's been real! See you in three weeks for the best concert of your life!" He says as he gives me another quick hug and ruffles my hair. "Also, don't forget about the plan! I'll have it all set up, everything will run smoothly, all you've gotta do is show up and enjoy the show." He tells me with a bright smile. 

"Can't wait! Good luck! Don't fail! Don't trip and fall! Wear sunscreen! Don't get drunk without me!" I yell at him as he gets pulled away by Andrew. We wave to each other until he's out of sight, and I start balling my eyes out. 

After getting myself to stop crying, I leave the airport and head home. I cried because he had to leave again after literally being home for less than three days, I also think being on my period contributed to it. I don't usually cry, especially in public, but after this morning at the restaurant and seeing how...anxious he gets, it makes me believe that he means every word of In My Blood. He told me that he was okay, and it just kills me inside to think that he may not be telling the truth and I'm the horrible best friend who never noticed. 

I walk into the apartment with my eyes bloodshot from crying. I tried to wipe away the tears but after a while, I just let them dry. 

"Jesus Christ, what happened to you?" Kelsey asks as she gets up from her desk and wraps me in a hug. I lean my head on her shoulder as I break down crying again. 

"Thanks for reminding me that I'm such a mess." I cry into her shoulder, and I can tell that she's confused. 

"What the hell happened? I thought you were just dropping your friend off at the airport!" She says as she brings us over to sit on her bed. I pull my head out of her shoulder and lean on her as we sit down. 

"I was, but I'm just really sad." I tell her as I try to wipe the tears from my eyes. 

"Why is Izzy sad?" Kelsey asks me as she turns to face me. I look at her sadly and remember the situation I'm in with her and Shawn, which makes me want to cry even more but I hold myself together the best I can. 

"Izzy is sad because of many things. Her best friend left again, she let that best friend suffer without even realizing it, and she's the worst best friend in the world." I tell her as I dramatically talk in the third person. 

"Why is your friend suffering?" Kelsey asks me as she holds my shoulders and looks into my eyes worriedly. 

"It's so hard to explain, but he's...he's basically being eaten up by the world, and I didn't notice in time to catch him from being swallowed." I tell her in a dead voice. 

She rolls her eyes at me and wraps me in another hug. "You and your metaphors, Iz. I have no idea what that means but it sounds scary as hell." She tells me as she rubs my back. 

I pull away and rub my eyes, trying to put on a smile. "I know, I'm sorry, I should suck it up and do better next time. I have to...god dammit how do I make him not so...so..." I get lost in my thoughts as I try to think of something that could help Shawn with his anxiety. 

I find myself getting caught up but I seriously can't help it. For all I know, he's fine and just get's nervous, like anybody would. But then there's always that chance that it's more than that, and I can't risk ignoring it. If he saw me right now and knew that I'm getting so stressed over this, he'd probably kill me. 

"Okay, I'm so sorry for that, Kelsey. I just had a literal break down." I tell her with a laugh as I get up and turn towards her. 

"It's totally okay, but do you think that you're still up to drive all the way to Pickering?" She asks me seriously. 

"Of course, I mean if anything, my family is what I need. Let's go." I tell her as I grab her hand and pull her up from the bed, dragging her out the door. 

_+_+_+_+_+_+_

Hey everyone! I just wanted to say that obviously Shawn's problems are made up, and we all know he loves his fans, but I sometimes think that it does get too much for him? I don't want people coming after me because I added the picture from today in Brazil to the chapter. I'm obviously not saying that Brazil did anything bad, I'm just kind of trying to bring awareness to the fact that maybe all of that crowding gets a little too much for him? No pun intended :) So please don't come after me, I'm just being real here! 

-ShawnsParticulaTaste x

PS: It's late and I want to go to sleep so I don't really have time to edit this, hopefully, there are not too many mistakes!