Secrets and Scars || Rewrite || OHSHC

Chapter 12

(A/N: Sorry the last chapter was so short. This one'll be longer.)

I placed the racks against the walls then the weights and medicine balls on their spots on the racks. Once that was done I pushed the mirror against the wall, placed my scale next to it, then rolled up the yoga mat and placed it it the open space behind the rack for the medicine balls. I quickly weighed myself and wrote it in my notebook next to the date. I knew from my file that I was 5' 2" so I marked everything down and made my own.

Name: Skye Night
Age: 16
Sex: Female
Height: 5' 2"

----May 4th, 2018: Friday----

~116.8 lbs.
Calorie Intake: 0
Food Log:
-Water
-Medications

As the days dragged on I spent every moment in my room exercising until I collapsed. When it came time to eat I decided I'd be better off without the fattening calories and carbs so I'd wait for an opportunity to dump it or give it to someone else. After passing off my food enough times I managed to get someone to sneak me in some diet pills, emetics, etc. I hid them away with my journal in the storage area of the mirror and locked it. I kept the key on a necklace I never took off. It was hidden by my jumpsuit so I didn't need to worry about the nurses asking what it was to. Anytime I couldn't get a chance to throw away or give away my food I'd eat it and purge it as soon as I got back to the privacy of my room. If I felt I couldn't get it all up, I'd take an emetic. After I was satisfied that it was all gone I'd mark off how many calories I ate during that day, which I made sure was always zero. As the weeks droned on I had almost no energy left to exercise and could barely stay awake through the days. I simply pushed through it and kept my routine. Everyday measure my body: waist, thighs, arms, etc. Every Friday weight myself. Everyday exercise until I collapsed. The doctors told me that I can't be discharge until I show signs that I don't suffer from as severe depression without the drugs, however, they don't realize I've long since lost the need for the drugs. I've replace one obsession with another and now only strive to become someone I can be proud of.

After a few weeks, while I was in the middle of an exercise session, one of the nurses walked into my room with a kind smile.

"You've got some friends waiting for you hon." the woman said softly as I rolled up the yoga mat and slipped it into the spot behind the medicine ball rack.

I nodded silently and rinsed my face with cold water. Once I finished drying off she lead me to a private room where Kyoya and the rest of the host club waited. They looked at my with weak smiles. Haru was the first to speak.

"How you doing Skye?" she said with a shaky smile

Their faces held uncertainty. I could tell they were worried about me; even though they were trying to hide it. I flashed her a reassuring smile and sat down in the empty chair near them.

"Good," I said while pushing and stray hair behind my ear and smiling softly at the ground "I'm doing better. Thanks."

"Sorry we had to just throw you in here like that but we didn't know what else to do." Tamaki said

I couldn't help but giggle at his sad, guilty appearance. He seemed so small in his seat; like a child getting caught doing something bad. The group looked at me with shock.

"I'm sorry." I said and giggled again "But you've gotta cheer up. You look like a guilty child right now. I don't blame you for sending me here Tamaki... I needed help and you got me it." I flashed him a warm smile and placed my hand on top of his to console him "Hell I should be thanking you for getting me to stop running around like some Disney princess on crack."

"The hospital says that you'll be dismissed tomorrow." the twins said

My eyes widened at that.

"W-what?" I asked "Already?"

"Don't you want to go home?" Honey asked, confused at my response

"Of course I do. I just didn't realize I was being discharged."

"Hey Tama-chan!" Honey chirped to Tamaki "We should let Skye-chan and Kyo-chan have some alone time."

"Good idea Honey senpai." Haru said and everyone but Kyoya left

Haru winked at me on her way out, know full well what Honey meant, and the twins wolf whistled. I blushed at their behavior and the thought of being alone with him after so long.

"You knew it was dangerous to mess with unknown drugs." Kyoya hissed as soon as they left "Why would you do something that reckless?"

Suddenly I felt like sinking in on myself and knew what Tamaki must have felt before. Only this was a much heavier and crushing feeling of guilt. I tried to explain but couldn't find any words. Any time I opened my mouth, only silence would emerge from my lips. I sighed and turned away from him.

"Why?" he hissed again

I flinched at his harsh tone and shrunk into a tighter ball, pulling my knees further into my chest, and fighting the oncoming tears.

"I-I just... I" I took a breath to calm myself a bit "I was angry." I said "And jealous. And stressed. And.... and afraid." I added, mumbling the afraid part "I was feeling all these things at once and I didn't know how to deal with it. I just wanted something that would make me feel better so I didn't even think twice about trying Fairy Tale, even though no one knew much about it, and then after going off it.... it's stupid, but once all those feelings came back, I just felt like they were hitting me harder than they first had. Eventually, I couldn't even wake up and go out without being high because everything was just miserable and meaningless."

His anger quickly melted away and I couldn't place the look in his eyes. It was something of sadness, guilt, and sympathy all in one hard-to-read stare.

I took a breath and continued "Don't ask why I felt that way because I already told you that weeks ago. I know I fucked up and I know that I'm gonna keep fucking up; maybe not like that but in different ways. I'm not some well put together, groomed to perfection, high class girl that people expect. I go out to raves, I drink, I get high, and I don't give a fuck who sees me as a shitfaced mess.... and I'm sorry but if you can't handle it then I.. I think we shouldn't be together."

"I don't care if you don't act high class every moment of the day. That's actually what drives me wild about you." he said, moving closer to me and placing a hand on my knee "I just don't want you doing anything that'll make me lose you. You could have died had that drug been more dangerous."

I looked up at him and was met by his captivating gaze.

"Just promise to be more careful okay." he said practically in a whisper

I nodded slowly, never breaking away from his gaze as he gently guided me out of my seat and into his lap. His soft hand pulled my face to his and we sat there in blissful silence just making out.