ERASED

Slight misunderstandings

We remained still for a long moment, both of us trying to come to terms to what had just happened. I didn't move until Ezra slightly flinched and I took it as a cue to climb off his lap and crawl myself to the farthest corner of the couch. Ezra watched me as he sat down slowly.

What do I say? What do I tell him?

I didn't need to think longer. Ezra cleared his throat and looked at the floor in an awkward manner. I fiddled with my hands in expectancy.

"Um..." He started. I was debating whether to look him in the eye or just drop my gaze elsewhere, so I was left shifting my eyes to him and the floor repeatedly. "That was..."

Wonderful? Intoxicating? One of the best kisses of your life?

"Wrong..."

There was a tug at my heart, even though I had been thinking the same thing just a moment ago.

"Yeah" My strained voice sounded. His eyes darted back at me and searched my face before falling to the ground again.

"I think- uh" He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I think this whole thing just got to me" He spoke, making my breath stop in my chest. "I'm sorry" He finished.

"Y-yeah" I blinked. "Same for me... this whole thing" I just repeated what he had said, as my mind was still not working properly. Again his eyes lifted up towards me in a strange way, I couldn't identify their expression. He looked away.

"Yes, I mean... being stuck here all day, really gets to you and..." He bit his lip as he rushed his hand through the tangle of soft curls. "I'm guessing... you probably miss him, so..." He trailed off. His eyes stayed down as I tried to focus on what he was saying and not on the tingling in my hands at the sight of his soft hair.

"Yes" I said, absentmindedly. "That's probably it" Just then, as his eyes shot up to mine looking a bit turned back, did I realize what he had said.

Him? Meaning David?

"I mean, no" I blinked repeatedly. "That's not it" Ezra was already standing on his feet, not glancing my way as I tried to explain myself.

"It's fine" He said, walking around the couch with slow steps. "It won't happen again"

I froze. Was that really what he wanted?

"I didn't do it because I miss David" I said with a sudden urge to get it out, make him stop, make him not leave me.

"It doesn't matter" Now he turned around and faced me. His eyes were cold, not at all like they had been when I had looked down and saw him kiss my collarbones and shoulders. "I also just needed to get it over with" His lips spoke and each word hit me harder than the last. "It didn't mean anything, alright?"

My throat had formed a tight knot inside and I wasn't sure how to handle it, how to respond to something like that.

"Yes, I agree" I painfully said, knowing quite well I didn't mean it.

"Good, lets put it behind us"

"Good"

"Good" He gave me an assuring look and turned around to leave me. And just after he had walked out of that damned electric door did I let my whole stance fall off like a brick wall. I collapsed on the couch, trying with all my might not to feel as shitty as I was already feeling. Trying with all my forces not to let those annoying little tears from escaping my eyes.

How could I be so dumb! How had I not thought about it? How did it slip my mind that the man I had been fascinated with, who I thought was also fascinated with me, was just acting out of pure instinct. How had I forgotten there was a strong possibility he was just using me as a way of distraction, a fulfillment of his needs!