Change My Mind

Chapter ThrirtyTwo - FINAL CHAPTER

1 MONTH LATER

Perrie's P.O.V

“Mr Higgins, you have to understand… I can’t,” I breathed deeply, “I can’t be here anymore."

“Perrie, there has to be some alternative. You only have four months until graduation; it’s impractical for you to leave school now.”

“Mr Higgins’,” I begged.

“Perrie. I see where you are coming from, I really do, but you are the best student we’ve ever had. You can’t just leave now.”

“But I-I need to!” I didn’t mean for my voice to get higher. I was just so scared.

Since I found about Zayn and Rebecca…

Never, in my entire life, has anything been this terrible. I would happily take back the bullying I had to endure before if it meant that I no longer had to put up with what I did now. I haven’t talked to anyone in a month. I can’t. I literally have no one and have never felt so alone. Harry and Eleanor have tried but…  How can I trust them? How can I ever look at them without having my heart shattered over and over again?  And then there’s Zayn. Beautiful, wonderful, Zayn that I hate to love so much. He did something unforgivable to me for some stupid revenge plot but still when I see him I can’t stop my insides from missing him. I gave myself to him in every way possible and he took advantage of that. This is what I get for letting people in.

“You don’t need to do anything Ms Edwards. I have heard about your situation,” Mr Higgin’s gave me a meaningful look, “and I am sorry Perrie. But you leaving Cowell won’t make anything better. You need to rise above this.” He said sternly.

“You have no idea what being here is like Mr Higgin’s. The constant torment, reminders, bullying. If I stay here any longer god knows what will happen.” God knows what I’ll end up doing to myself.

“Perrie, if you just tell us who is doing these things to you we can punish them-”

“How can you punish the whole school?!” I shouted. Mr Higgin’s looked at me, slightly taken off guard from my outburst. “It is everyone! I am thankful for everything that you have given m-me Mr Higgin’s, the kindness, the speech therapy, the opportunity to come here in the first place, the chance to make something of myself, but I just can’t do it anymore.”

I always thought that somehow I could stay strong. That even though my life played out like a dramatic soap opera and I was the definition of broken, I could still do something with my life. I was wrong.

“You realise if you leave now you cannot come back Ms Edwards. You will have nowhere to go and forget about finishing your education and having a successful career.”

“I u-understand what the repercussions of my actions will be.” I spoke more calmly.

“Then I can’t force you to stay Perrie.”

“Thank you.”

He gave me one final nod, and I took that as my sign to leave.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was actually going to attend a different school, Cowell’s rival, and had a full scholarship. I didn’t want to magnify his disappointment in me anymore.

I made this decision about a week ago. I love what Cowell offers me but nothing is worth what is happening. I see Rebecca smirking in the hallways, people laughing at me, friends treating me like I don’t exist, and it breaks me. It’s like all I am now is a shell, and slowly but surely they’re crushing every piece of me until there won’t be any left. I originally went back to spending any free time at school in the drama centre toilets but Eleanor soon found me and wouldn’t leave me alone, so I left. I guess I just wander now. I should get used to it; it’s probably what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life.