Change My Mind

Chapter TwentyNine

Zayn's P.O.V

"Zayn? Do you h-have a minute?"

I looked up from my textbook to see Perrie standing at the end of the table. Lately I had tried to be better for her. I was constantly wracked with guilt about how we ended up together, and I wanted to make sure that because of that I was the best possible boyfriend I could be, which is the main reason I'm studying in the school's library two hours after school ended.

"Sure. Come sit down."

She walked over to me slowly and sat in the chair next to mine. She seemed nervous and jittery and it immediately sent me on edge. "Is something wrong?" I looked at her with concern.

"N-no. Everything's really good actually.”

"Good. You had me worried for a second there."

"S-sorry." She drummed her fingers on the wooden tables, deep in thought,

"No need to apologize love."

She reached out and placed her hands on mine. I immediately intertwined my fingers with hers. "Now what's got you so on edge?" I asked. 

She sat in silence for about a minute before she locked her gaze with mine.

“D-do you know how long we’ve been t-together?” She asked. The question took me slightly by surprise. Why was she so worried if I knew or didn’t. I quickly did the math in my head and it came to around five months.

“Around five months. Why?” Had I missed an anniversary? I don’t think so. It’s about two weeks away.

“It’s just that… Five m-months isn’t a lot.”

“I guess so. Not when I’ll be with you for the rest of my life.” She looked increasingly worried. I took one of my hands from hers and caressed her cheek. “What’s got you so upset? Please tell me, I’m really starting to worry.”

She took a heavy breath and looked up. Her blue eyes are so entrancing, it’s a wonder I ever get anything done when she’s around. Perrie is so beautiful. Wonderfully, perfectly beautiful and how she doesn’t know it I will never understand. Or maybe I do. Constant ridicule and torment must do things to people. One of my biggest regrets, and I have a lot, is not noticing her sooner. I don’t regret my time with Rebecca, I loved her, I just wasn’t in love with her like I thought I was. But with Perrie there’s no doubt. I need the relationship like Rebecca’s so that I could truly see things clearly. With Rebecca, I was blinded by my so-called love, but with Perrie it’s was slow and enticing. It wasn’t like with Rebecca where she set me on fire with a single kiss, it was this constant heat and enthralled my body and made me realize how stupid I had been.

“I’ve b-been thinking lately…” She started, “and I’ve been talking about it to Tricia,” Mum? What does she have to do with this? “And we both thought it would be a good idea if I didn’t live with y-you anymore.”

“What?” My eyes widened and I looked at her confused.

“It’s not that I don’t love y-you, because I do, it’s just so early in our relationship a-and it’s no secret to a-anyone how fast this is going, but has e-either of us considered that maybe it’s going t-too fast? I’m not ready for what you h-have to give me Zayn and I-I love you, really, really love you, but I-I can’t keep leeching off of you and your f-family.”

“Perrie,” I said softly, “we know you aren’t ‘leeching’ off us. We love having you at home.”

“Zayn,” She groaned, “You d-don’t understand me. You may be c-content to have me live with you for the rest of your life,” She stopped slightly and moved in closer to me and dropped the tone of her voice. “But I’m not. So much has happened lately and I’m certain that’s there’s no way I-I could have gotten through it without you. But I also don’t want the reason for us being together just because you helped me through this. The thing’s you’ve done, giving m-me a home, loving me, making me feel b-beautiful and worthy, I can never, ever thank you enough for. And I’m certain I-love you. Which is why not just me, but a-also you, need this.”