Broken Strings

MONOTONE

"I can't, Maanav. If I don't find her and apologize to her................she might spend her entire life blaming herself for something she never did. I can't do that to her."

I said slowly. Silence engulfed us.

"I will try. But that's all I can do, okay,

just try."He said. I nodded, smiling a little. We finished our lunch silently thinking about her.

...................................................................................................................................................................

The day dragged on in a monotone. The same old meetings and gala's and people who have more money then their conscience can ever manage.

I miss her.

I sighed. I checked my watch. It's 11.30. I should head home.

Instead, I got up and my way towards the coffee maker and made a coffee for myself. It never, not even once, came out the way like hers.

I miss her coffee.

And probably I would never drink her coffee again and if Maanav is right I would never see her again. All because I was too coward to accept the truth. The cup slipped from my hands and shattered on the floor.

I cursed and took up a bunch of napkins and placed them on the spilled coffee, sitting down with my back to the wall. The office is empty and I can hear the soft hum of the coffee maker running.

I didn't cry after our break up. I just couldn't. It is like she took a part of me with her that I am not allowed to mourn over. I deserved it after all. But it didn't hurt any less. And the tears refused to come even if my eyes filled up.

I can't allow them to spill over. I can't allow that comfort to myself. Not after what I did to her.

Someone coughed.

A pair of sandals came into my view and I lifted my head to meet my eyes with that of Rachel's.

She looked uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to another. She coughed again when I kept staring at her.

"Yes... Yes. Um...What do you want?" I asked snapping out of my trance.

I learned the hard way that when I observe people, they perceive it as I am staring at them and that I have to suspend myself from doing that often. As much as I can.

Stare at any girl for more than 5 seconds and I will rip your butt off

I stopped myself from chuckling. She hated it.

She stood up straight like she does whenever she is giving a report. And I resumed my internal I-am-missing-her moment.

"I have gone through the records of public comments, sir and there seems to be a problem with some apps not being able to work in our new software and I reported it to the tech and they are asking for your approval for their new proposition. You have an appointment with the local associates tomorrow and lunch with the new Marketing Manager. Paperwork for the transition of the company shares of Mr. Wok is done and I need your signatures on it. And I kept the workers report on your table. Is there anything else you need me to look into, Sir? "

I nodded listening to her though I barely registered a word she said.

I shook my head.

"Are you alright sir? "

She asked her tone a mixture of shock and concern. I shook my head slowly.

"Yes. Yes, I am fine."

I said and cleared my throat.

"What are you still doing here? It's late. You should go home. Leave. I mean you can go home."

I said in a rush to go back to my moment she just ruined. I need some proper space and peace to do that.

"Is that your way of saying 'leave me alone?'"she asked.

"Yes."

"Is it because of her again? "

"You don't even know her," I whispered in a very low voice.

"I have been searching for her for as long as I was working for you so though I don't know the whole story I think I can make my guesses. Sir"

I think she added the last part as an afterthought.

"Good. Make your guesses and leave me alone."

"Can I sit down with you? " She asked and sat down before I could say anything.

"It's a free country," I muttered to myself and she shrugged.

"Who is she?" She asked softly and I glared at her.

I don't wanna talk about it. Not yet. Not ever.

"Maybe I can help you more if you tell me the whole story......Sir.What exactly happened that night? How did you two meet? And why do you never actually talk about her with Maanav? "

I shook my head. My lips stuck together.

"You have only me with whom you can actually talk about her. I know it's a very inappropriate reason but I.........I don't know what I could say to convince you to talk to me but....... It helps okay? It........ It really helps. It...... "she trailed off.

I stared at her for a second while she remotely stared at her black sandals.

Silence engulfed us.

I cleared my throat. Time to start my epic failure love story.

" I was in BITS Goa when I first met her...... "