Belief

2.5

I've spent nearly every day at Ashton's house, or wherever he, Calum, and Michael drag me (my mother thinks I'm at a brainiac camp during the day, bless her soul). They have made me go paintballing (which hurts greatly I would not recommend that), watch every Star Wars and superhero movie (it was apparently unacceptable that I had never seen them), trained me in the art of video-gaming, and really anything that teenage guys consider fun. I was becoming a teenage guy.

I sat on my laptop, eating toast and surfing YouTube for videos of kittens. I didn't even like cats, but somehow Michael and Calum have got me addicted to these cute little videos. Gosh what am I becoming?

A few moments later my phone was ringing. Ashton, of course.

"Good morning," I smile, even though he can't see me.

"Woah, someone is cheery," he giggles into the phone.

"Yeah, I guess a little," I shrug. It's been nice this past week, I have been getting back to being myself. The happy, cheery Maddie. My laugh has come back, and my smile too. It is like I am finally finding the pieces that went missing.

"So, since you are in a good mood, I have a question for you," he asks timidly.

"Sure, shoot."

"Well, the boys and I have another gig tonight, and we really want you to be there," Ash tries to hide his excitement, but fails, bursting into a fit of giggles after he finishes.

"Oh my gosh, are you serious?" I cheer. This is everything they wanted. "Of course I'll go!" I just wanted to see how proud they looked up on stage. I wanted them to see how proud I was of them.

"Really? I thought it would be harder to get you to go, you know with Luke and everything," he mumbled quickly.

"Oh, I completely forgot about him," I admitted. The boys had done such a good job of distracting me that I seemed to think my Luke worries had faded. Yet distracting is not forgetting, and you could only stay distracted for so long.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." He sighed.

"No, he is going to be there, I just need to accept that," I whispered more to myself than Ashton. "Maybe I will just come later on."

"Yeah, I get it," he reassured me. "I'm surprised you even agreed to come at all. It means a lot Madds."

"Sorry," I bite my cheek. "I promise I will stop by though."

Why was I so weak when it came to Luke? Shouldn't I be over him by now?

"Thanks again," Ash returns to his excited state, "I will talk to you after the show, we have to go practice! The show starts at 7!"

I just laugh, saying goodbye before hanging up. I throw my phone on the floor, rolling over on my back and covering my face with my pillow, groaning loudly.

I had been making such good progress. I couldn't let this set me back.

I spent the rest of the day lying to myself and telling myself that Luke Hemmings meant nothing to me. I had no feelings for Luke. Luke was just another guy. I figured if I repeated that enough in my head then I might just start to believe it.

Seven o'clock came around and I was still helplessly repeating the same words over and over in my mind. I still wasn't believing the lies I was feeding my brain.

I slipped on a black skater dress with my toms. I waved my hair, put on a little more mascara than usual, and even a little bit of eyeliner. My sister had trained me well. I slipped on a floral headband, put on some chapstick and was good to go. It wasn't that much, but it was enough for me.