Jinx // Multifandom One Shots

Deadpool x Reader ▷ Dragon Bitch

Warnings: Violence, a lot of swearing, sexual references.

Word Count: 1366 words.

It's a warnings cocktail, the product of listening to the soundtrack when you've got no homework.

Sorry for the overuse of dialogue, but I loved writing it so much.

~

Slamming your foot down on the accelerator, you launched your car across the highway and into the air. Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you prepared to land. Crashing through the side of the bridge, the bonnet rammed into Ajax. His limp body flew across the road like a rag doll, colliding into the barricade with a crack.

"Shove a chimichanga up my ass," Wade shouted. "you've got to be screwing me!"

Fuming, you flung the car door with a kick, grabbing your both guns from your pockets and aiming them at the mercenary's head. You turned off the safety, stare fixed on the white eyes of his suit, which were wide with surprise. Gritting your teeth, you blew a strand of hair from your face.

To say you didn't get along with the leather-clad smart mouth was a gross understatement.

"Hey there sweetheart. Long time no see." Wade began, cheekily popping his knee and putting his hands on his hips.

"Sweetheart?!" You exclaimed, striding towards him. Jumping back, Wade squealed. "You good-for-nothing, prune-faced, dick-fondling, fuckstick!"

"Please don't probe me with those." Wade said quickly, pointing daintily at the guns.

"I'm gonna do a whole lot more than probe you." You said darkly.

Feminine laughter emerged from behind you. Eyes wandering to your right, you turned to face two x-men goons. One, far younger, was sitting on the bonnet of another car, dressed in all black. Her face was scrunched in delight. "What exactly did he do that makes you want to probe him?" She asked, intrigued.

"Well," you began, a sarcastic smile on your face. "this wrinkly motherfucker could definitely run for presidency of the 'Dickholes That Give People Abandonment Issues' club."

Shaking his head, Wade scoffed.

"Don't give me that shit." You warned. "You left me for dead in that total luxury suite Ajax had set up."

Both Colossus and the girl turned to look at Wade in disappointment.

"I thought she was dead! Last time I checked, people don't survive when the building they're trapped in is crispier than Anakin Skywalker at the end of Revenge of the Sith!"

"Surprise bitch!" You hollered. "I'm still alive, and I'm going to blow your brains out and paint a pretty little picture with them on the concrete!"

Squeezing your finger, you pulled the trigger. A bullet hole appeared between Wade's masked eyes, and chunks of his brain and blood splattered out behind him. He fell to the ground, and you let out a satisfied cheer. Flailing your arms about and swinging your hips, you danced and flipped off his corpse. Colossus gaped, throwing his hands up in the air. "You two are just as bad as each other." He said, exasperated.

You turned to him, eyebrow raised and a smirk on your face. "Is that a challenge, tin man?"

The girl laughed again.

"Thanks buzzcut. You got some white tape?" You asked. "I feel like immortalising this moment with an outline before Krueger wakes up."

She shook her head, hopping off of the bonnet. A groan sounded from beside your car as Ajax stirred. His legs were completely crushed, and blood dripped from a gash on his forearm.