Dissapointed.

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/taylor/

Today feels just as cold as yesterday. And three days before now. Nothing has really felt right and Devon stopped trying to make me happy because nothing he does works and I don't think he's frustrated. Just lost. I stopped talking to people. I just want to talk to Marc but he never calls anymore. Never picks up anymore. So really,  what's the point?
What's the purpose of getting any better if my reason to live can't even call me back.
I eat one spoonful of everything that's on my plate, then I drink as much water as possible and I never drink the milk here. Too many calories. I've started losing the chub I'd gained from being here, and I look almost like I did before I got here. I feel so lonely and cold and I can't even talk to anybody about it,  as if theyd feel any sympathy for some over dramatic teenager who can't even get the strength to clench a fist.
I want marc.
I want my old self back.
*         *         *
It's a little after supper time and Devon still sits next to me despite the fact I haven't spoken to him in almost two weeks. I feel bad for him, having to put up with me.
I start to fall asleep during the movie when a nurse yells down the hall that Taylor has a phone call. It takes my mind a minute to register, and I assume its my mom or dad but when I get to the phone I hear Marc's voice.
He sounds... Scared.
"babe I've gotta make this fast I'm so sorry--fuck-i. Taylor I love you" I can hear crashing and yelling in the back.
"Marcus what's happening"
"please. Don't hate me. Tay, I let Jake control my mind again I'm so fuckin-" the yelling sounds closer  "I need to go. I love you. So much. If anything happens to me I promise I'll make it out okay to see you leave the hospital."
My heart drops even more than I thought it really could
What felt like a cold beat in my chest becomes full on frost. I hand the phone to the nurse with no words,  and I walk myself to one of the quiet rooms they lock kids in when they act up. I close the door and I decide I'm not going to leave until someone drags me out.
I can't believe him.

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