Internal Monologue

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Smoke is filling my lungs at rapid speeds and I can't really pinpoint how long or how often i've been passing out. All I know is that I've sobered myself to the thought of death, and it feels as if that may be what come next. There's no sliver of hope for me at this point, and I'd write a goodbye letter if i knew it wouldn't burn down with me. I hear a few screams outside and it sparks my interest but at this point, i can barely lift my head and I cant even keep myself awake. I'm fading in and out of consciousness and cant be bothered to yell out and let people know someone is in the house burning down. 
          I understand it's more than likely too late for any emergency to help, but i stay faithful that maybe i'll be able to see Tay again and explain to him everything. I've been such a terrible person and it got me in such a shit situation... I cant believe i let myself get like this. If i die though, things move on and so will Taylor. I Just hope he knows in my heart i've always loved him and the entire time i was here he was never off of my mind. I hope he knows how terribly sorry i am too, he doesn't deserve his last words from me to be about how i cheated on him with an abusive ex. He doesn't need to think i wanted to be beaten and held hostage more than i wanted his love for the rest of my life. 
          Everything is so fuzzy... I cant feel any of my body parts and i cant move any of them either. Maybe heaven was better built for me than this place. I'll find out soon enough. 

//authors note//

i know i've made one or two chapters saying im sorry its taken so long to update. I'm working on more than just this chapter but please be patient with me, i have a lot going on outside of just this story. I hope you guys enjoy the next few chapters i'll be putting out and thank you so much for being patient enough to keep reading! 

love y'all <3

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