Escaping Strings

Chapter 15: Label

"No, ayoko." Ayaw ko rin naman... "Ayaw ko ng kahit ano. Ikaw lang. All I want is you. I love you."

"I ..." I sighed.

Do I love you?

"I know you also do but you don't have to force yourself to say it. I understand. You don't want to be hurt again."

Yun nga ba yung dahilan? Ayaw ko lang masaktan? Pero hindi eh. Hindi ko kasi makita yung sarili ko na masaya kasama ang lalaking mahal ko. Hindi ko makita ang sarili kong mag aasawa or magkakapamilya. Hindi ko na makita.

"Matt... I can't do this. I can't love you. I cannot love anybody."

Unti unting bumitaw yung kamay niyang nakahawak sa balikat ko, "Why?"

"I can't find myself having a future with any man. Having a family. I don't think I do deserve your love. Magkakasakitan lang tayo. Masasaktan lang kita."

"Why don't we try? Why don't you let yourself experience happiness again? With me."

"Kailangan ba natin ng label? Nakakaraos naman tayo kahit wala 'yon diba? Nagiging masaya naman tay-"

"Do you think, sex lang ang habol ko? Martina, I want you. I want your love. All of you!"

"You can have my body but you can't have my heart. I don't want to get involve into some relationships for I know that it'll just end and stupidly, will just hurt both party."

"Okay," tipid na sagot niya.

"Okay?"

What kind of answer is that?

"Payag na ako. You said, I can have just your body, right?" I stared for a while before I nod. "You also don't want any commitments from anybody, right?" I nod. "Fine, then. You're still mine. I can have you, physically and no other man can do. Let's go," hinila niya ako papuntang elevator.

Physically? He can have all of me! Pero... Hay nako!

"Happy break-up?" I said when I saw him smiling.

"Maybe..." he shrugs his shoulder. "Just don't forget that you are mine. You can't change that," he said without looking at me.

"Hindi ka ba nagsasawa? No, hindi ka ba napapagod?" I asked.

"Saan?"

"Sa akin. Sa mga nangyayari sa atin," he stared.

"Why would I? I love you," hindi ako nakapagsalita.

"I ..."

"I love you but I am not forcing you to love me back," he kiss my lips. "Having you between my arms is enough."

Hinatid niya ako sa kwarto ko at umalis na. Yun na 'yon? Seryoso, pumayag siya?

"Akala ko magagalit siya," I told myself as I lied on my bed.

Pumikit ako at huminga nang malalim.

Ano nga ba? Ano nga bang nararamdaman ko?

"Matt... I ..." the door opened.

I saw Matt wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. Fuck you.

"Can I sleep here?" He asked pero dire-diretsong pumasok at pumwesto sa tabi ko.

"Quit asking. You'll do what you want, anyway," I said and he chuckles.

Tumayo ako para patayin ang ilaw. Shit, I forgot to turn the lamp shade on. Hayaan na nga, mangangapa na lang ako. Hihiga lang naman eh.

Dahan dahan akong naglakad pabalik sa kama nang matakid ako sa kung ano mang nasa sahig.

"Ouch!" Ano ba yan! Napasubsob tuloy ako. Sakit ng tuhod ko.

"Ah... babe?" He cleared his throat. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. What is this?" I asked.

"Shit!" He cuss.

Unti unting nag sink in sa utak ko kung ano ang nahawakan ko nang unti unti rin itong gumalaw. Hindi, tumayo. Fuck. Binuksan niya yung lamp sa tabi niya. I saw him biting his lower lip.

"Sorry, babe," I laugh. "Sorry, baby," I said to his thing at hinimas himas pa ito saka tumayo para humiga sa tabi niya.

"Fuck, Martina!" Sinabunutan niya ang sarili niya. "Sabi ko matutulog lang ako eh. Anong ginawa mo?" I laugh.

I hug him, "Pananagutan kita," I kid.

I lowered his boxers and hold his already hard thing.

"That won't work, babe."

"Demanding? Anong gusto mo?" I didn't wait for him to speak. Instead, I sat up and take off my clothes.

He smiled. "You're so hot, babe," he said as he guided me to sit on him.

"I know," I lower my head to kiss him as I thrusts on him.

"Let me rephra-se it. You-re so wild-when you're dr-unk," he said while I did it faster. "Argh!" We both came.

No protection. Am I still safe?

"Let me tell you a secret..." I traced his body. "I'm always wild," I said as I circle my hips and heard him moan in pleasure.

I lied on his body to kiss him. He caress my back and sleep called me.