alippaphabet ✎

z for zero

Never in his life has Lin felt so out of place in the Broadway community. It was different from finding out that none of his friends keep the cassette tapes of cast recording like he does— definitely not like that. It all began when, no only the the stress, but the realization that Broadway was completely different than it was when he was still working on Heights finally hit him. Hard.

He stumbled upon a thread of messages one day, reading through it and smiling because of the countless of nice messages. It was only when he stumbled on another message board that he was completely thrown off.

The man could usually take hate on his own shows, but he absolutely despised it when people are rude to other shows. The way people said that no effort was put into the season's musicals, that none of the Broadway actors are deserving of awards, and other thing like that made his smile fade. And that wasn't the only message board filled with such words.

There were tons. Negativity just piled every time he clicked a new link. All of the sudden, he could taste something rotten in his mouth.

Even though he shouldn't, Lin felt down. He knew just how much hard work was placed in all of the productions that season. People always just seemed to judge so harshly and see every little flaw despite how wonderful the entirety is.

People thought the same things for his show. He just knew it. His seven years of work he put into the show he got in The Richard Rodgers Theatre wasn't enough.

"We're done with the run-through with Javi, Lin. Just came in to tell you."

Lin immediately shut his laptop at the sound of Pippa's voice. He stared at his Hamilton-inspired cover for a moment, unable to formulate a reply.

"Lin?"

"Uh, yeah, I'll be out in a minute." A part of his sentence came out shaky, causing his costar to approach him.

"Hey, um, are you okay?" The woman felt a bit awkward talking to the composer, knowing that the usual talks they have are about work and nothing else. Nevertheless, she didn't hesitate to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. He looked up, eyes red from probably looking at the laptop screen for too long. Or maybe his stress was released through angry tears.

"No."

Pippa didn't expect him to be blunt, so the smile she always had on her face slipped. Lin shook his head as he looked up. "I'm sorry. Don't worry about me."

"Well, I think you'll feel better if you channel your emotions through this beautiful piece of art you created. Come," Pippa insisted, tugging on Lin's arm. This got Lin to grin, even just a bit, and gave him enough strength to stand up. With a small push from Pippa, they were out of the supply closet, a weird place to trap oneself in, now that she thought of it.

—

It didn't take long for Pippa to realize that Lin was hiding all the time with his laptop because he was looking at bad reviews to purposely lower his-self esteem, hoping that it'd push him to work harder. It only turned him into a grumpy Alexander, saddening his onstage lover.

"Lin, you shutting your laptop off every time I find you in here makes it seem like you're watching porn." Pippa sighed and crouched down. "Are you?"

"No!"

"I thought so. Do you want to talk?"

Lin stared at the woman in front of him. Her features actually managed to calm him; the brown in her eyes wiping away all bad comments planted in his mind, her glossed lips easing his stress, and the entirety of her face filling him up with peace. He reluctantly nodded when he was able to take his eyes off the radiant being in front of him, scooting over to the side so she could sit beside him. Pippa didn't even have to look at the messages when she saw the title of the page.

"Lin, you know you shouldn't be reading this. People use this page to vent out the things they don't like about shows because they think they have nothing better to do. It's not worth your time, reading all this negativity."

"That's just it. If people don't like things, it's my job as the creator to improve it!"

Pippa noticed the way Lin's hands were shaking as he explained. She frowned. "You shouldn't overwork yourself, Lin. Sometimes you have to put your satisfaction before theirs."

The lyricist shook his head. "Speaking of satisfaction, someone commented about how crappy one part of the Satisfied rap is. I typed out some rewrites here and I'm—"

The actress cut him off with a shake of his shoulders. "Lin! Please! This isn't you!" She bit her lip, regretting the fact that she raised her voice. "You... You should do what's best for you and the show. Not for the sake of someone who doesn't see how phenomenal your work is. I wish that these few bad comments didn't overshadow all of the praise you get. And you get a lot."

Pippa took Lin's hand and moved it to the top of the laptop, slowly pushing it shut as Lin squeezed his eyes shut. Right then, she could see just how exhausted the man was, letting him lean on her shoulder as she threw a comforting arm around him.

"This never happened before, you know. I never bothered with all the hate, but seeing just how much judgmental people there are out there... I've never felt so insecure. So afraid. Knowing that these faces who show up to my show are able to say such mean things. And even if it happened before, I wouldn't have easy access to the internet to read them all. Yet, here I am, being such a weakling because I let their words get to me. I feel like such a super zero."

If hugs could be rated, then Lin could agree that the one Pippa gave him was the best one he's received yet. It was just tight enough, not the suffocating type, and maybe it was also because she smelled so heavenly that his happiness resurfaced. "I just hope you know that I disagree, and that you are my and the whole Hamilton fam's super hero, Lin. We love you and your work and we'll continue supporting you until whatever happens on our Broadway run."

No other words were spoken when she released her embrace. She pulled him up and patted him on his back before dragging him back to the rehearsal space, where everyone was having lunch and waited for the arrival of their savior, Mr. Miranda.

—

"Alexander Hamilton."

For the first time in previews, the crowd burst into a deafening applause when Lin took his dramatic entrance. He did his best to keep his face straight, but his heart was swelling. He was suddenly struck with a sudden reminder why he went into Musical Theatre in the first place— that. The joyful faces he saw in the audience, the way their eyes lit up at witty lines, the times they lept to their feet...

At the end of the show, Pippa smiled at the lead actor and took his hand in hers. They both felt the energy of tonight, and they were sure that they could knock down the other obstacles of the Broadway journey together.