A Final Season of Rick and Morty

8 -- Break In

A guard comes around the corner ready to shoot, but the split second he comes into view, Rick shoots him.

Morty and Rayna speak simultaneously, "RICK! She said NOT to!" — "Oh my god, you suck," as Rayna just eye-rolls calmly.

Rick turns to them, "See, now I'm showing off my genius, unlike you two who aren't genius enough to notice the subtle differences of the alternate reality we just stepped into," motioning to where his portal was. "See in this reality, not only do people think cupcake cologne is a good idea," fanning air away from his nose, "but she also has been murdered. Or killed herself, although I don't see why you would here. David Bowie's still alive," pointing to a tour-dates poster.

"Who's that?" Morty asks.

Rick storms off, clenching his fists at his side, grumbling, "(Morty I swear to god you mother fucker.)"

Rayna says to Morty, "Goblin King. Aka, every guy's first man-crush," motioning to Rick.

Rick shoots a sneaking armed-guard in the back, then shoots a plant, giving a teasing smirk to Rayna.

She says, "That's fine. I wish I could just kill people too rather than exhaust my genius by using wit on them. Much funner sometimes. I get it."

"You mean kill me I take it," Rick says.

Morty glares at both of them, "Well, it would be nice if no one killed anyone from any reality. I mean, you know, a real genius could have done it."

"I am Morty. She's the idiot, she raised her voice on a secret raid."

Rayna teases, "Yeah well part of being a genius is getting what you want without pissing people off."

Morty smirks, "She's got you there."

"And you're both pissing me off. So I rest my case."

Morty turns sly, "Nah, actually I think not pissing people off is part of having a normal intelligence. Rick's just a slow learner."

"What?" Rick says, taking a good long look at Morty, eyeballing how he's mimicking the same cross-armed smirk as Rayna. "You're still letting her try to teach you how to manipulate people? You—"

Morty, "No I—"

"I'M NOT MANIPULATING PEOPLE!" she yells.

Rick turns to her, "Jeez! No kidding you're not! I mean baiting the ego? On me, a genius?! It's for beginners! It's only the genius of day-time TV detectives, sans infinite-reality crystal!" He jabs an angry finger at her, "You know, you think you're all that, all fake-nice to him and stoic 'n shit, but you're clearly fucked up."

"Yeah well NO SH—Fuck, yes, you—" trying very hard not to call him an idiot. "I'm going insane, I don't know why I just fucking yelled—why I fucking CARE. Everything in my head doesn't make sense. I remember growing up on video games even though they didn't exist when I was a kid. I remember masturbating with a dick even though my vagina is pristine (other than being dry). I need help."

"Well tell me what you told him or you're not getting shit."

"I thought you had me bugged?" she says, disappointed and annoyed.

"I can't concentrate with people's stupid shit in my ear 24/7. That's why normal TV sucks, I like having thoughts." Then he gives a look that says 'So tell me already.'

She makes intermittent eye contact, as if she's telling the truth but not wanting to look at him, "Like you said, baiting the ego is for beginners. He's a beginner. I just gave him pointers on what any adult does, and how any adult thinks. To help boost his confidence."