Run (A Bucky Barnes Recovery Story)

65

“Move!” Steve yelled and stepped around Bucky, trying to hit Pete again. Bucky turned and watched, feeling more and more helpless now that Steve had cut him out and was taking on Pete alone.

“Get him on the left!” Bucky said loudly. Steve turned his head.

“What?” he said and was hit again. Bucky flinched.

“I mean hit him on the left-no, your left!!” He tried again. But then, Pete, angrier now that Bucky was trying to point out his weak spots, became a hail of fists. He was fast. Bucky had never seen a kid hit so fast. He couldn’t be grabbed or stopped. Bucky felt bad as he watched, but he made a mental note to try to be faster next time. Maybe speed was key.

But as Bucky was thinking this, he soon forgot because it was Steve who was being hit at lightening speed and Bucky felt every punch like he had been socked himself. Steve was failing miserably. He couldn’t get in a hit. Pete was destroying him. Steve was beginning to look panicked and Bucky fought the urge to jump in because Steve would never forgive him.

Then, Bucky noticed something weird about Steve. He was breathing different, his chest was going in and out, he was gasping. Bucky could hear his wheezes from where he stood, steps away. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

“Hey!!” Bucky screamed and threw himself at Pete, knocking the kid aside. “Stop! You’re hurting him! You’re really, really hurting him!” Then, Bucky turned back to Steve and grabbed him, held his shoulders. Steve’s face was going pale. His breathing sounded bad, like he was choking on something.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky cried in Steve’s face. Steve couldn’t answer. He couldn’t catch his breath. Bucky watched him fumble in his pockets and come up empty, looking even more afraid than before. The crowd behind them mumbled, scared, and began to dissipate, but neither Bucky or Steve noticed.

“In-gasp-haler,” Steve said. “I-gasp-forgot it I-gaaaasp-my-”
“I don’t know what that is!” Bucky cried. Steve was white. His eyes weren’t focusing anymore, he was shaking. He couldn’t breathe! Bucky didn’t know what to do. He was panicking too. He felt tears spring to his eyes. “Is it at your house? Can I go get it for you?” Steve nodded weakly and Bucky sat him down on the cobblestone and he ran. Bucky had never gotten back to Steve’s house in under ten minutes before, but that day, he did it in three. His feet pounded the cobblestone, his arms pumped. He shoved people out of the way and didn’t even stop to apologize because this was an emergency, Steve could be dying!! He reached the house and threw himself at the door, slapping his hands against the wood.

“Mrs. Rogers!!” Bucky screamed. “Mrs. Rogers!” Steve’s frazzled mother appeared at the door, looking confused.

“Bucky,” she said and Bucky cut her off. He was crying now, there was no time! What if Steve had already lost consciousness? What if an inhaler wasn’t something he could carry? What was wrong with Steve?!

“Steve needs his inhaler!” Bucky cried. “Right now!!” Mrs. Rogers look surprised, and then turned back into the house.

“I told him not to forget it,” she said.

“Do you have it?” Bucky asked. Mrs. Rogers came back quickly with some little plastic pipe and Bucky took it from her and ran again, this time trying to be faster, but his tears were blurring his vision now and he bumped into people and buildings and smacked his forehead hard into a pole and saw stars. But he got to Steve, sitting in the street where he had left him, leaning over the cobblestone and closing his eyes. Bucky dropped to his knees and thrust the pipe into Steve’s hands.

“Here!” he cried. “Be okay!!” Steve took the inhaler but seemed to panic more when his shaking hands couldn’t get the lid off, so Bucky grabbed it from him and tore the cap off himself. Steve took it back and put the end into his mouth, trying to take a deep breath. Bucky watched through tears as Steve calmed down and the inhaler had worked and Steve began to breathe normally again, but Bucky still felt panic, he still felt afraid and he didn’t understand, so he folded up his legs next to Steve on the ground and put his head in his arms and cried.

“Thanks,” Steve said and he still sounded somewhat wheezy, breathy. Bucky felt him put a bony, shaky hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m okay now.” Bucky lifted his head and tried to stop crying. This was embarrassing, he was supposed to be tough!

“What happened?!” Bucky cried. “What was that?”

“It’s called asthma,” Steve said. “It makes me stop breathing sometimes.” Bucky felt horrified by this and he must have looked horrified too because Steve grinned at him reassuringly now. “I’m okay now,” Steve said again. “I’m going to be fine.”

“Is that normal?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded. Bucky didn’t know what to say. That was awful. He couldn’t imagine having to live with that. “What does it feel like?” Steve stopped to consider this, like he had a difficulty putting it into words.

“Like something’s pinching my air off,” he said. “It’s weird. It’s like I’m surrounded by air, but there’s never enough. I’m breathing as hard as I can and it’s not going in.” Bucky sucked in a deep breath, overly aware now of how well he was able to breath all the time, and felt bad.

“How does that happen?” He asked and Steve shrugged.

“I dunno,” he said. “But it just does. When I’m running or moving around a lot and sometimes when I’m just sitting there.”

“When you’re just sitting there?!” Bucky cried. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t fight this off for Steve. He couldn’t save him from asthmar or whatever it was. He just had to watch, like he’d had to watch that fight. Bucky shuddered. There was nothing he could do.

“Could it kill you?” Bucky asked quietly after a minute had gone by and he had fully considered this. Steve nodded solemnly. It was then that Bucky came to an understanding of Steve’s fragile mortality. He himself was invincible, of course, but Steve? Steve was fragile. He was like glass, he had to be protected and watched over. Steve couldn’t even be breathed on. Bucky sat back, his tears drying. He had to protect Steve. Steve needed him, he had to take care of him. Bucky decided then and there that he would watch over Steve forever if he had to. And he really didn’t think he would mind being friends that long.