Run (A Bucky Barnes Recovery Story)

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Natasha remembered when Bucky told her that her job was to go unseen. It was a long time ago, in Russia, and he had been teaching her some method of disarming someone or breaking their neck, she couldn’t remember and she figured it didn’t matter now. She had training to be a spy, not an assassin, but there were still things the Winter Soldier could teach her about fighting and about killing.

“You do it and you get out,” the Winter Soldier said. “Your job is to go unseen.” Natalia nodded curtly and stared at his face. His eyes were distant and he seemed far away, despite his intensity. He always did.

“I can do that,” she said.

“We’ll see,” he replied and turned away from her, towards the door. He was leaving without another word. Natalia Romanova leaned against the wall, crossing her ankles, and watched him. No, not him, she watched his arm. It was fascinating. She often found herself staring at it, watching the metal gleam and the plates shift in such a way that it was nearly human, and yet too unnatural to be anything like it. Her curiosity was overwhelming, but to ask him to explain it seemed strange. He wasn’t someone to ask personal questions to. After having worked with him for over a week, despite her best efforts to charm him or infuriate him or even hurt him, the Winter Soldier was still an unsolvable mystery and a blank face. It frustrated her. He’d never even given her a smile. Honestly, he scared her, he scared her to death and she didn’t like that. For her own sake, she had to see his mask crack.

“Hey!” Natalia cried after the Winter Soldier before he left the room and he turned back around, still holding the door open, his brow furrowed as he stared at her. He didn’t seem used to being called like that and his empty eyes struck fear in Natalia, so much so that she forced herself to steel her resolve and stare right back. She wouldn’t let him intimidate her. “I’m not afraid of you,” she said cockily.

“I wasn’t trying to make you afraid of me,” the Winter Soldier replied, which sort of surprised Natalia. She had expected him to take her words as a challenge or an insult. Instead, he seemed confused. Refusing to be discouraged, Natalia changed the subject, pushing herself off the wall and sauntering towards the Winter Soldier. He watched her and let the door close beside him. She stopped as close to him as she felt she could come and looked at his arm.

“What happened?” She asked. The Winter Soldier looked down, following Natalia’s eyes to his own metal prosthetic. She watched him stare at it as though he had just now noticed it, raising his own hand and examining it slowly.

“What happened to my arm,” the Winter Soldier said and Natalia wasn’t sure if he was asking her or just repeating her question. She felt as though she ought to take a step back. He seemed borderline unstable.

“Yes,” Natalia said. “What happened to your arm.” The Winter Soldier pursed his lips and stared blankly at his hand.

“I don’t know,” he said and he sounded even a little surprised about this. Natalia stared at him.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” She demanded. “You lost your whole arm, how do you just not know this?” The Winter Soldier looked up at her slowly, unnervingly slowly, and his eyes sent shivers all throughout Natalia’s body. He was horrifying.

“I don’t know,” he said again, mumbling. Natalia took that step back now.

“Don’t you think you ought to look into that?” She said and he looked down, back down at his hand. He never answered her. Instead, he dropped his hand and pulled open the door again, fiercely, swinging it, and left.

The next day, before they began to work, Natalia found the Winter Soldier in the sparring room, leaning against the wall in the exact place she had been the day before, stretching out his legs like he had seen her do, and holding his arm up in front of him, staring. She entered the room cautiously, letting the door shut behind her and keeping her eyes on the Winter Soldier. He didn’t look up. He muttered something.

“What?” Natalia asked.

“It got ripped off,” the Winter Soldier repeated himself in his dead voice with his dead eyes, but speaking louder so she could hear, enunciating every word to the extreme, so each t and d felt uncomfortably sharp. Natalia stopped and stared at him.

“You mean your arm,” she said and he nodded. He dropped his arm now, letting it swing to his side, although he continued to stare in the same place, unfocused and frowning.

“That’s what they said,” he told her.

“Did they say any more?” Natalia prodded him. “How did it get ripped off?”

“They didn’t… They didn’t say. They wouldn’t say,” the Winter Soldier said slowly. He looked up at her now, focusing, looking directly into her eyes. His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth turned up in a pout. “You’d think…,” he started and then stopped himself.

“You’d think what,” Natalia said and the Winter Soldier took a long breath.

“You’d think I’d… deserve to know,” he said very quietly and his words chilled Natalia to the bone, and still did, especially now.

“Yeah,” she replied. “You’d think.”