Kiss of Death- Dave Mustaine Fanfiction

And Then It's Born Again

Turn me on, take me for a hard ride
Burn me out, leave me on the other side
I yell and tell it that it's not my friend
I tear it down, I tear it down
And then it's born again How long, how long will I slide?
Separate my side, I don't
I don't believe it's bad
Slit my throat it's all I everHow long, I don't, I don't believe it's bad
Slit my throat it's all I ever - Red Hot Chili Peppers

In May of that year I was officially pregnant with your child. Finding out I was pregnant was surprising to say the least. With the lives we were living having a child sorta changed our image. I couldn't keep acting like Wendy O'Williams, and just drive myself off of a cliff with my reputation. I knew for a fact I couldn't keep on acting like I do and keep on portraying myself like I usually do. I can only imagine having that talk with my kid. I immediately started to get clean, I stopped using my prescription pills, I stopped drinking and getting high, and stopped putting so much stress onto my body when acting. I still had to finish up filming for Natural Born Killers, but unlike the first few scenes of the movie I would have to use a stunt double instead. I didn't want to be kicked off from the set, and I knew I couldn't necessarily go touring with you anymore, or expect you to always be around our child because of touring and the recording and production of albums. You guys were releasing albums almost every two years since your debut, and have been constantly touring in between these recording and releasing sessions.

You vowed to take care of me, and to make sure that I'll child will never be upset or unhappy, however, most importantly you promised to not leave me upriver without a paddle. When I told you I was pregnant you seemed happy at first, but I could tell that as this pregnancy dragged on and on you were lowly but surely loosing interest in having a child. I kinda feared what would happen if my body lost it's shape. I was still in shape because of all the stuff I had to do while on set, but I dreaded the day the movie would be done and over with. I wouldn't be desirable anymore. I kept thinking that my condition would drive you into the arms of some sleazy stripper or groupie while on the road. You constantly told me otherwise, but the sense of uncertainty never left me despite how comforting and elegantly you put your words. Marriage and pregnancy always ruined the mood for a rockstar. Sure it's a stereotype, but let's be honest it's sad but true. I feared that you would be like Keith Richards and be drunk or high off your ass 24/7 and not know the name of your kids. Sure, Richards was cool and I love The Stones, but I don't want to be in a relationship with a guy like that.

I was always very stressed during my pregnancy. Not just because of you, but because of the movie shoot and most importantly the media. The media was and still is like a bunch of rabid dogs. Once they have grasp of you they never let you go unless you die. The strangle hold that they had on not just the movie industry, but also the music industry was enormous. It happened when you and I were first forced into the spotlight, and it would definitely happen when they found out about our marriage and newly conceived child. They were like TMZ times 10. They were just a bunch of hack jobs making a quick but off of our success (or lack there of). It was embarrassing, humiliating, it was like being a small ant under a magnifying glass. 

I was petrified. Was I going to lie about that? No, absolutely not. The stress and uncertainty combined for a deadly cocktail of duress. The doctors I was surrounded by constantly worried that I might've miscarried, because of how little weight I have gained during the entirety of this ordeal, but also because of all the stress I carried. I couldn't go back on pills either. Not because I would overdose on them, but because of the chance of the child having birth defects once born due to all the chemicals present in the small capsules. I had to mostly turn to more 'natural' methods because of this.  This is actually what got you and I into yoga and tea. I remember having to force your coffee away from you when you refused to drink it.

However, as much as I was scared for the arrival of our child I was just as equally ecstatic and excited. I wanted to right the wrongs that our parents did with us. To me this was our new chance at life. This was our redemption. I couldn't end up being a deadbeat mom, and despite your perceived distaste you knew you couldn't be a deadbeat dad. This wasn't just because of me pressuring you, but you wanted to be the dad you never had. You wanted to have your son or daughter look up to you. You didn't want them to despise you. You claimed you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if your children grew up to hate and loathe you. You were adamant about that; even more so than you wanting to destroy Metallica. You were really passionate about being not only a great father, but a great spouse. And I honestly couldn't fault you for that. Even through our rough patches in our marriage I couldn't dare take that away from you.

You were the best candidate for a soulmate. You were the only one for me and I was absolutely positive about that fact. You turn me on and you burn me out, and I tear it down. I didn't want to be left on the other side, and neither did you. We were sliding for so long, and I didn't want to believe that it was bad. However, I didn't want to separate my side; you. This was it. This child was our childhood innocence, and then it's born again.

A/N So this was the movie (more specifically the movie scene) I was referencing in the pass few chapters. Seriously this movie is amazing. I would definitely recommend it. Plus the soundtrack for tis movie is heavenly!