Kiss of Death- Dave Mustaine Fanfiction

In the Astral Plane

Fingers gripped around my brain
No control, my mind is lame
I'm in the astral plane and I'll never be the same
Never, never... never
Beware my friends as you pass by
As you are now so once was I
As I am now so you must be
Prepare my friends to follow me
It hurts so bad I can't breathe
Prepare to follow me - Megadeth

On the road sanity and logic was the last thing involved while touring, and to be honest I can''t say I minded it one bit. I never felt so free and so alive ever before in my life. While, you did make it a hell of a lot more harder I wouldn't have lived or fully expressed myself if you weren't around. I was having fun. You were gaining fame and I was busy riding and coasting on my own. Since I was practically a household name at this point I could not star in a show or a movie for a little bit and still be just as relevant as I was when I last starred in a project. I felt freed, but somehow also very empty and hollow when I was around you. Sure, after shows we would get high together and you gave me your undivided attention, but it was all hot and lustful passion. It didn't feel as loving or as gentle as I was when we first met. Up until that point I was always able to say that I never had sex with you, since sex seems so cold, detached, and emotionless. It was just a release of bodily fluids; nothing more nothing less. Making love , while it is just as passionate, it involves trust and sacrifice; not only of you body but of your mind as well. And we were as blocked off and restricted towards each other as the Iron Curtain from the rest of nationalized Europe.

On this tour was when when I got my first nickname from your fans, Mustaine's bitch or rocket queen. Keep in mind this was the eighties, so while it definately was demeaning and even sexist as all hell , but it was pretty much common place. All you really could do was shrug it off and move along with your day, but this name stuck with me for damn near a decade. While, to those outside of the metal industry just called me Pam or Pamina I was just your side bitch and whore to many of your fans. I was pretty much a laughing stock. People thought I was easy to get into, that I was loose, that I was fucking the entire band, and that I was only with you for the press and PR.

This was only amplified when I did revealing magazine covers, or starred in a movie that had me in a promiscuous situation. I was essentially LA's first 'rocket queen'. Back then I couldn't lie I kinda did like the publicity that this all gave me. It allowed me to be in more and more experimental roles and it shredded the sort of girlish innocence that I held when I was just starting out in this industry.

However, this effect was double-sided. Up until then I had had a good girl image in my personal life. When you finally gained some recognition from the general public you were this 'bad boy' who made 'evil rock music'. Just like how polarizing Sid and Nancy were in the seventies we brought nothing but trouble and mayhem at the wake of our arrival. We were glamorized insanely. So much so that our 'antics' made its way into national television; including comedy skits and bits on Saturday Night Live. We were pure danger and dread that many would feel in the wake of a massacre, and we didn't mind it one bit.
I remember the tour in '88 quite vividly. Whores and drugs were everywhere. You practically couldn't escape it. I knew that if I wasn't around you gladly would've slept with those loose sleazy looking women. I understood and accepted that as a harsh fact of reality. I probably should've been upset or disheartened, but it sadly was just standard procedure to me. As long as you didn't knock anyone up or contracted some sort of STD who was I to rain on your parade, right?
Along with that as much as I would rail against you shooting up I must confess I was a bit of a hypocrite. To stand here in front of you and clearly state, 'I have never used any illegal substances.', would be an absolute goddamn lie. After awhile downing prescription pills down my throat like mints began to bore me. Of course no one could ever tell I was doped up on meds, but the soothing tranquil feeling that would run through my entire would leave just as soon as it started. 'Shit!' I thought to myself, ' I go through them so quickly now that I can't sustain the high.' I abused my pills so much that they left no impact on me after swallowing at least twenty of them. Logically, I turned to the harder stuff. I didn't do myself, however, you joined me in shooting up. You wanted to make sure I was 'safe'; even when it came to injecting deadly narcotics
into our bodies.
I remember the first time I came to you asking to join in your drug binge how shocked you appeared. You leered for a second and had a look of  concern plastered all over your face. "Pam, sweetie, why do you want to do this?" You came up to me cradling me in your arms, and brushing the hair out of the way of my face to get a clear view of my ocean blue eyes. I merely stated that I was curious and wanted to see why you liked those substances so much. It was a partial lie. I was curious, but nonetheless it was a lie. I lied to you. This was the first time I have ever lied or have been curt to you.
However, the feeling of looseness that invaded my body and left me numb was nothing but a pleasurable and relaxing. You had some blow on you at the time. You laid it out on a clear mirror tray and began to separate them into separate lines. You looked at me again with another look of nervousness present in you hazel eyes. "Pam, are you sure? You don't have to do this. We can always stop now. I won't look down on you. Really. You can trust me." You spoke with full confidence, yet your voice was still nonetheless wavering. I nodded again and took one line demonstrating how to take it. After you were done I leaned down and took my line as well.
That night would be the first of many drugged up experiences for us. Do I regret it? Well... Yes and no. I will always regret taking them, but I will never regret all the time I spent with you. To this day you say that you broke me, but I say that that's complete cal. I was always a willing participant. You were merely the supplier.
My mind was fucked I'm not going to even deny it. To this day my actions haunt me. I couldn't get away and there was no escape. I know I was going crazy. I must've been insane. Your fingers gripped around my brain. I had no control, my mind was lame. It hurts so bad. I can't breathe.
I was in the astral plane ,and I knew that I'll never be the same.