A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Thirty Two : The Girl Who Made Him Smile

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and focused on his breathing. His back ached from the harsh impact against the wall, but it felt good. Physical pain always distracted him from emotional pain. He learned that he could easily endure twenty physical punches to the gut, but not one emotional punch to his heart. It was too difficult, too much to handle.

The weight in his pocket was growing heavy as each second passed by and his slender fingers reached for it. His face was blank and his mind empty- sometimes he felt emptiness when too much was going on. As if chaos gave him space to breathe, only it did not. Like before a stage performance, the contestant was jittery and after all his tension was released, he felt hollow. Not contented, simply hollow. But Logan hadn't released his tension, he was still very anxious. It was weird and ineffable and senseless and wrong. In this unstable state of mind, he retrieved the knife from his pocket and held the cold edge against his forearm.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

"Yo man," a partly confused voice broke his internal battle and he flinched. He quickly tossed the knife away, blood rushing to his ears in shame. A hand gingerly touched his shoulder. "Are you---?"

It was Jamal, Joy's Jamie. Jamal, Jamal, Jamal, why was he everywhere? Logan suddenly felt suffocated. He shoved Jamal away as they both watched the knife spinning on the floor. Logan gritted his teeth and tried to brush past him. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not going to fool me mister." Jamal grabbed him by his arms and pushed him back. Logan wrenched free from his grasp almost immediately, his nostrils flaring and his chest heaving up and down in indignation. "What are you thinking? Are you even thinking? Blondie would be so disappointed right now."

A lump formed in his throat at the mention of Blondie- JJ- Joy- his Joy. He always found her nicknames lame for she was gifted with the most beautiful, bright and warm name which suited her the best. Joy, Joy, Joy, he could never get tired of it.

"You have gone mental, stop smiling yo. It's creepy," Jamal said in a frightened voice and Logan touched his lips faintly. He was indeed smiling, though he didn't know why. "I thought Blondie helped you man."

She did. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't have made it so far. He knew that, but bleak days like these he couldn't help himself. They would never meet again and how cruel could this world be. He was turning eighteen tomorrow, only one more day to go and here he was. Trapped, helpless, desperate . . .

"I'm keeping this." Jamal slipped the knife in his own pocket and Logan's mouth opened to protest. No words came out. Silly Jamal was right, he shouldn't be anywhere near a sharp object. The temptation was real, too real at times like these. He hadn't cut himself since months, a promise he had made to Joy and he wanted to keep it. He didn't want to let her down, but most importantly, he didn't want to let himself down.

"Fine," Logan mumbled and ran a hand through his hair. It felt sweaty and limp. "Move away, I got to go."

"No, no, no, no, where do you think you're going?" Jamal stood in front of Logan, puffing his chest out, trying to appear taller and brooding. Dry laughter bubbled inside Logan. If Jamal thought that he could stop him or fight him, he was being delusional. Sure, he was broader than he was, but he was shorter and dumb- plain dumb.

"Move away moron," Logan repeated haughtily, exasperation clearly etched on his face.

"What's up with that arrogance? I thought your uncle was a dickhead but here you are- woah wait," Jamal retorted and hastily stopped Logan from exiting the bathroom. "I'm trying to help you bro."

"Calling me a dickhead isn't helping and don't bro me," Logan warned.

"Don't be an asshole! You started it! You called me a moron!" Jamal whined and pouted childishly. Logan shook his head in disbelief and tried to walk away, but Jamal caught his arm once again. "Alright, alright, wait. I'm actually here to help you so listen."

Logan jerked his arm away and gave him an incredulous look.

"I'm helping you because of JJ. I know she would want me to help your sorry ass or else I wouldn't be putting up with your bitchy attitude- Jesus, wait. You're worse than my little sister." This time, Logan did wait. Jamal continued cautiously, "Hear me out before ditching, okay? I can still get you out of here. I can help you."

Logan blinked at him for a few seconds, contemplating his offer. He then asked grudgingly, "What's your plan?"

Jamal grinned. "Well, my mama's apartment is currently empty. She hasn't been home in days, I don't think she'll be home in another couple of days until she's completely wasted. You can get out of here, wait behind the dumpster where there are no cameras and I'll come after a while when the coast is clear. Then I'll take you to the apartment where you can hide till whatever time is appropriate. My father's a lawyer, if I butter his ass, I'm hundred percent sure he'll help you- if not personally, then through contacts."

Logan was listening, he was honestly listening, but he couldn't believe.

"And don't worry bro, my father and stepsisters live somewhere else. Their rich asses have nothing to do with my mama or her apartment. So you can have it to yourself, the apartment that is, not my mama, mind you," Jamal said seriously and Logan's lips twitched upwards in amusement. "It's a filthy one and stinks like horseshit, but you got to take it," Jamal added nonchalantly.

Logan nodded slowly. After a few more seconds, he finally questioned, "How-How do I get out of here?"

Jamal's grin widened, flashing pearly white teeth. He excitedly jumped towards the half open window and said, "From here, like in the movies!"