Beanie Girl

Chapter 37

What did I do to deserve this things?

I remebered Paul's smile. For once, he taught me how to smile again... I did but... it seems that smiles have exchanges.

Everytime there's that one happy moment in your life, why some of us expect that something bad will happen? Too much happiness causes negativity. Thinking about it gives me migraine already!

“Sigurado ka ba sa babaeng ito, Trevor?” Timothy's head whipped on the side to look at his son's confused and scared face. “Talaga bang minamahal mo ang isang 'to?”

Paul never answered, feeling the fear he's showing from his face. I got the chance to finally look at him, as I slowly lowered my hand. I slowly wiped my tears from my cheeks, and quickly grabbed my bag to get out of there!

“EXELLOR!” I heard him yell, but I continued walking, trying to make my pace faster.

But every step I take, the heavy feeling in my chest worsened. I have to admit, that I felt embarassed, that he has to see it. He doesn't know all of me, that's why I was ready to show everything, but that scene earlier closed that opportunity.

“Exellor! Please! Kausapin mo 'ko!” Paul stopped me from walking as he catched up, holding both my arms.His eyes widened when he got the chance to stare at my eyes.

“Fck, b-bakit k-ka u-umiiyak?” he softly asked.

“You won't understand..”

“H-Hindi. I-Iintindihin k-ko.”

“You can't... I-I know you have questions for me that I can't even answer.”

“Hindi...H-Hindi ganoon...”

Paul was out of voice, and embraced me. His vanilla-scent gave me the feeling of sudden nostalgia. I remembered how he made me rose from my seat just to hug me.

Another tear fell.

His hug is tight, like he didn't want to let me go. Like he wants to hug me forever. I closed my eyes and let everything consume me. Happiness, nostalgia, anger, grief, sorrow, and guilt. Before, I could contain them but it seems, Paul made me... vunerable.

Before, I was numb. I was numb of these things, and the only thing I've waited for, is to find the truth, so I could rest from my colorless world. But when he came, he showed me the things that I already forgot. Made me the kid I was. Happiness was in his aura. Even though I know he could frown, my mind couldn't find out how would he do that, 'cause all I've seen within him, was happiness.

Seeing him in fear changed every feeling I have. They all got mashed-up.

Using all the strength I have left, I slowly broke the hug, making him look at me.

“This won't end well, Paul.”

His forehead creased. “W-What do you mean?”

“Y-You don't know all of me... And I-it'll be a bother to know everything... You'll only get hurt...”

“What? N-No, no, you're not a bother. Nasa isip mo lang iyan Exellor.”