The promise. [Short Chapters]

Chapter Eleven.

I awoke the next morning, but no part of me wanted to be awake, so I kept my eyes shut. It was cold, and the blanket that I'd kicked most of the way off in my sleep wasn't doing much to keep me warm. Wherever I was lying, it was drafty as hell, and each rush of cold air across my skin was followed by a ripple of painful goosebumps. Without opening my eyes, I tugged the blanket further up my body with my just my left hand, because for some reason, my right one was perfectly warm. I was curious, but the feelings of dread and tiredness inside of me overpowered my curiosity, so I simply snuggled my head back into the pillow beneath it.

That was, until the source of warmth on my hand moved and suddenly the bitter air met the revealed skin. I let out a slight groan as I slowly opened my eyes. It took a while for me to get adjusted to the light, but finally I did. I yawned and stretched as I leaned over to check what had been keeping my hand so warm for the past couple of minutes.

I was both relieved and disappointed to see that I was curled up on Dan's sofa, staring at a sound-asleep Matt Barnes on the floor next to it, his recently moved hand still lingering rather close to mine. He looked so peaceful under the duvet, dark hair sprawled across the throw pillow under his head, and I didn't have the heart to wake him. He'd been so good to me the night before; he deserved all the sleep he could get after the hell I'd probably caused.

I frowned at my own thought. The previous night was not a good one. In fact, it may have been the worst I'd seen in a long time. I buried my face in the sofa cushion under my head, fighting every urge I had to scream into it. I felt horrible. I felt relieved, but at the same time, I felt simply awful.

It started on the walk to Josh's house with Matt. We were silent for a while, just strolling the pavement slowly, because somehow we both knew that I really did not want to go through with what I had originally planned to do. I appreciated it, the fact that we were thinking the same thing. We stayed quiet until we reached Josh's gate, when Matt finally spoke up.

"D'you want me to stay outside, just in case?" His eyes were worried and his voice was cautious. My eyes were beginning to fill with tears and my mouth was dry, so I just nodded and threw my arms around his neck. He responded by lightly putting his arms around my back and shh-ing in my ear, assuring me everything would be okay, and I honestly hoped it would.

Too bad it wasn't.

I started out confident. I was going to walk into Josh's room, hope that he wasn't naked already, and tell him that I lied, that I wasn't ready and that I was having conflicting feelings about our relationship, and if he got pissed, I was going to go all feminist on him or something to that effect. But by the time my hand touched the front door, my doubts began to creep in. I could already imagine the hurt on his face when he heard the real reason I was so upset. The hypothetical glazing of his clear blue eyes was enough to make me stop turning the handle. I simply stared at the door and hoped I would wake up from my week-long bad dream.

"Lola?" I could hear Matt call from behind me. I whipped my head around, so glad he'd offered to stick around. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, and his breath was visible as he called out. "Need reassurance?"

Hot tears began to stream down my cheeks. I ran as fast as my boots could carry me and practically collapsed into Matt's arms.

"I can't do it," I mumbled. "I can't see the look on his face when I tell him everything. Can we please go back to Dan's?"

Matt said yes, gave me a gentle squeeze, and the two of us headed back to Dan's, my arms nervously squeezing around his waist, and his arm draped over my shoulders protectively. By the time we made it back, the party was nearly over, so, with Dan's permission, I took up residence on his couch for the night.