The promise. [Short Chapters]

Chapter Ten.

I would tell you that the gig was good, but honestly, I hadn't a clue how it went. After the vague explanation I gave Ella, I shut myself out from the world in a very Ryan-like manner and sat on the counter in the back corner of the dressing room, absentmindedly doodling pictures in the layers of dust covering it. I could feel Ella, Ryan, and Iss' concerned glances practically burning my skin, but I ignored them in my mission not to burst out crying. I was almost thankful when the boys bounded back into the room, sweaty and hyper, because that meant I was that much closer to being at Dan's to drink away my inhibitions about what was to happen after.

Josh tackled me in a sweaty hug when he entered the room after greeting the fans and watching the rest of the bands, and I half-listened to him talking about how mental the crowd was. He left to take a quick shower, and I found myself alone in the corner once more until he returned, and the whole lot of us drove the band's beat-up, rather smelly van to Dan's house.

I knew most of the people at the party, since they mainly included the band's crew and a mess of Matt, Chris, and Dan's mates from school, so they didn't find me too weird for spending most of my night sitting in the corner, slowly getting myself drunk while the rest of my friends actually attempted to be social. I tried not to notice Ella and Max across the room practically groping each other out of Josh, Iss, and Ryan's sight, since Ella had sworn me to secrecy about their "purely physical" relationship. So there I sat, people-watching until I felt someone settle onto the sofa next to me. I shook myself out of my daze to see Dan, holding a beer for himself and extending a rum and Coke for me. I gave him a gentle smirk and accepted the drink with a small "thank you".

"Get a load of Max 'n' Ella, ey? Josh leaves the house and suddenly they're all kinds'a snugglin'," Dan chuckled, gesturing towards the 'not a bloody couple, Lola!' (in Ella's words) on the sofa.

I halfway chuckled at his words before freezing up. "Josh left already?" Dan knew about me and Josh, it was weird, but i kinda liked having someone else there for me too when things got tough.I knew what this meant though, and I wasn't nearly drunk enough to be doing anything with Josh. I quickly tipped my drink to my lips and took a huge swig while Dan just laughed.

"Relax, Lo, he wasn't leavin' with anyone, if that's what you're worked up about," he chuckled. "Even if that was the case, I'm sure Matt would have no problems assisting you in getting your revenge."

I took another large drink of my rum and Coke and shot Dan a weird look. "What the hell are you on about?"

He simply shrugged. "It's no news to anyone that Matt fancies the hell out of you; trust me, I'm his best friend. He just doesn't want to mess up anything with Josh, but I'm sure he'd love to help if there's something wrong."

My stomach dropped, and my mind flashed back to the morning after the party we'd been to at the stranger's house. I remembered the way Matt was so effortlessly charming and the look of envy and jealousy across Josh's features when he saw me flirt back. I didn't want to see that look on Josh's face again.

But then again, I didn't want to leave the party and have sex with him either.

Dan must have noticed my expression turn sad, because he nudged me softly, pouting his lower lip. "What's up, little one?"

I just shook my head, staring at my reflection in my cup. Dan wasn't taking it, though, and kept elbowing me until I finally opened up.

"Fine," I mumbled harshly. "I'm about to head out and have sex with my boyfriend."

Dan paused, and I'm guessing he was debating whether to high-five me or question why the hell I was so upset about losing my virginity to the boy I'd known since I was a child. He pursed his lips in concentration before speaking. "You don't seem all too thrilled about it."

"I'm not," I replied honestly. I downed the last of my drink, hoping it would suddenly make me feel perkier, but to no avail. "But I can't exactly back out of it, can I? Josh was so happy and proud that I liked him enough. He asked me why I was upset earlier, so I lied and said I was just conflicted because I was ready to lose it to him. It may well be the shittiest thing I've ever done, lie to someone who's done nothing but good things for me."

Dan was frowning, and his deep blue eyes were focused in thought. "Sticky situation you've got there. I know how quickly Josh's mood can change after hearing bad news, and I don't want you or anyone to have to deal with that, but at the same time, I don't think anyone wants you to lose it when you're not ready. If you back out and Josh gets pissed, know all of us are on your side-- Matt, Chris, and I at least. Don't wanna know what Max'll do when he hears you two broke The Rule."

I wasn't even up to commenting that Max, too, had broken The Rule. I just wanted to crumple into a ball and cry all over Dan. He was ridiculously right. I was dealing with the internal struggle of going through with my lie or facing Josh's disappointment, and I couldn't decide which was the lesser of two evils. I leaned my head over onto Dan's shoulder, a tear silently slipping from my eye.

"Now onto my next  masterpiece of a question," he tried to joke. "What was the real thing upsetting you? Josh's been saying for a week that you haven't been your usual self lately."

My stomach lurched. I remembered the text I nearly sent to Josh the night of Max and Ella's kiss, the one I'd simply exited out of instead of hitting send. I wiped my eyes and began to explain. "I almost broke up with him last week. Anna was telling me about Max kissing her, and it made me realize all at once that as long as we have to keep this a secret, it's almost not worth it. Josh deserves someone he can flaunt around. He deserves better than me."

By this point, I was full-on crying. Dan patted my knee reassuringly, but nothing was helping. It was the first time I'd verbalised my frustrations, and the crying, admittedly half-drunk, was almost therapeutic, other than the fact that it was adding to my misery.

"I like him so much, Dan," I sobbed. "I just don't want him to be hurt."

"You've gotta think which scenario will work out best for the two of you. Make it a win-win, y'know? Maybe tell Max?" he suggested, but I just shook my head.

"It's not gonna make the sadness go away. It's not gonna rid me of these shitty feelings," I whined. "It's just gonna lose me one of my best friends."

Dan patted my knee, concern painted across his face as I half-drunkenly sobbed on his shoulder. We sat in relative silence for a while before I piped up, "How do you know so much about romantic shit, huh?"

He half-chuckled as I lifted my head off of his shoulder. "The guys have been in more relationships than I can even count. I notice things. Just 'cause I'm always single doesn't mean I'm romance illiterate... and speaking of romance illiterate, don't look now."

I smirked at him until the final bit of his statement, ignoring it and looking up anyway. Matt was ambling towards us, nervously rubbing his neck with the same look of concern on his face that Dan held before. He seated himself on the floor in front of me and put both hands on my knees, while Dan stood up to socialise with someone else and leave the two of us alone.

"Sorry, couldn't help but overhearing after Dan asked you what was wrong," Matt said softly, gaze frozen on the ground. He lifted his head so his brown eyes met mine. "You wanna talk?"

And I did, but not necessarily with someone who fancied me, who I maybe possibly had slight feelings for also. I gave him a tiny grateful smile, but shook my head. "I think I've just got to get this over with."

Matt sighed and frowned, but nodded. He stood up and extended a hand to help me up as well. "I'll at least walk you over there. It's cold and who knows what kind of people are roaming around at this time of night, yeah?"

I obliged and we headed out into the cold together.