The promise. [Short Chapters]

Chapter Nine.

And so the night of the big show rolled around. Max and Josh had enthusiastically woken Ella and me up that morning by whacking us each across the face with our own backstage pass, which the two of us now had slung around our necks as we wandered aimlessly through the hallways behind the stage. Every so often, we could see the kids that were beginning to shuffle in, and I found myself more than a little appalled at the amount of girls with dyed orange and yellow hair wearing slashed and drawn-on white t-shirts in a desperate attempt to look like Hayley. I imagined that if she wasn't trying far too hard to play it cool around the band, Isabelle would have been one of those girls.

The closer it got to showtime, the more crowded the hallways became, so Ella and I decided to head back to the boys' dressing room. I found it funny that they had an entire dressing room; usually they got ready somewhere outside of the venue, but here they were, lounging in sofas and, in Dan's case, fixing their hair in the mirror in the corner, which prompted a few "girly man" comments from Max. Chris and Josh were in the corner, in the middle of an animated conversation with Jeremy Davis and the Farro brothers. Isabelle was making the eyes at an evidently weirded-out Taylor York. Blowing kisses to disinterested bitches, as they say. Ryan was being a hermit crab as usual and typing away at his mobile, ignoring everyone else in the room, with the occasional inconspicuous glance at Hayley. Matt broke from his conversation with Hayley to beckon me over.

"Lola!" he said enthusiastically, throwing his arms around me before nudging me toward Hayley. "Lola, I'm sure you've heard of Miss Williams. Hayley, this is my wonderful, lovely, beautiful friend Lola, who, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to steal for a few minutes."

"Nice to meet you," Hayley said sweetly, nodding at me before swooping in to save Taylor from Isabelle's clutches.

Matt skipped the small talk and got right to the meat of his intended conversation. "A certain hyperactive singer tells me you've been down lately. What's buggin' ya, man?"

I just shrugged and flopped backwards onto the sofa. Matt sat next to me, his dark eyes boring holes into the side of my head.

"Come on," he urged. "Everything was so sunshine and butterflies between the two of you and now you seem so sad. Perk up! Life's a beautiful thing!"

I remained quiet, just shook my head to try to get him off of my case. The feeling of confidence that came with Josh's reassurances the night before was fleeting; I was feeling like shit all over again, about ten times as much this time. I flicked my eyes up to watch him across the room as he appeared to be explaining something to the younger Farro, Zac, and frowned to myself. He was so happy, so absolutely chipper, I didn't want to break him. I didn't want to crush his spirit. I didn't deserve him.

Matt took my extended silence and longing stare across the room as a sign that I wasn't about to respond to him anytime soon. He half-frowned, his mouth resembling an L flipped on its side. "You know I'm here for you, love, right? I hate to see you so upset."

I gave him a silent nod as he stood up to join the lively conversation in the corner, but found myself more upset as I realised that just as quickly as Matt was leaving, Josh was approaching me. I kept my eyes on my hands, folded in my lap, trying my best to avoid eye contact with him as he sat down on the cushion next to me. From the corner of my eye, I saw him look in Max's general direction to make sure he wasn't watching. My heart lurched as he placed two fingers underneath my chin and guided my face so our eyes met. I tried to glance away, but the hurt look on Josh's face made me stare right back at him.

"Sweetheart, I am ridiculously worried about you. Something's wrong, and it must be more than what we talked about yesterday if you're still this upset," he spoke softly, keeping his intense gaze straight into my eyes. His face no longer held the same look as it did when he was talking with the group; now his blue eyes were glassy and his lips formed a tight line.

I didn't want to tell him the truth, not yet at least, so I quickly thought up a lie. A lie that I would grow to regret more than anything before.

"I, uh, guess it still has to do with what you were talking about yesterday, except, uh... You remember the second part of what you said?"

Josh scrunched his forehead in thought until the memory finally came back to him. "About me going too far?"

I half-nodded. "Well, it's that, but it's not. Josh, I'm... I'm ready."

The look in his eyes was one I could only describe as that of a child on Christmas morning. His lips broke into a silly grin, and if I wasn't already drowning in a pool of regret over the lie I'd just told him, I would have giggled at it. "Lola, you had me worried for a second there, I thought I'd done something wrong! And, I mean, if that's what you want, my parents and sister won't be home tonight, and..."

I couldn't concentrate on his words. I had too many emotions running through me. I wanted to cry and laugh and scream, but mostly cry. And possibly punch myself in the face. I faked a smile and pretended to listen to him talk until he placed a sturdy hand on my shoulder.

"So we'll make an appearance at Dan's after party, I'll duck out and get ready, then you meet me at my house, yeah?" He sent me almost adoring eyes. "I know you've always wanted your first time to be special. I'm glad you think I'm special enough to share it with."

Before I could squeak out some bullshit reply, I was thanking my lucky stars for Bobby Highcroft, the band's tour manager, for making the call that they needed to get their arses onstage. Josh grinned at me, to which I replied with the most fake smile I could manage, and kissed my cheek on the was out the door. Once both the boys and Paramore had left the room, it was just me, Ella, Iss, and Ryan. Ella and I were stood by the door, watching the guys excitedly race through the hall toward the stage. Just like Matt and Josh, she noticed something was wrong.

"W'sup, Lo?" she asked innocently.

I just shook my head. "I'm fairly certain that I'm making a mistake."