Poisonous : s.m

19

Song of the chapter- corduroy dreams.

Shawn Mendes
October 11th.

After Diana had caught her Uber I waited in the parking lot for a solid fifteen minutes, a huge weight crushing my shoulders. What do I do? Do I want Peter's money? Do I want his car? Do I want to hurt a sweet girl? No, I don't want any of it.

So why the fuck are you doing it all?

My inner monologue taunts me. Why am I? I need to stop this, it's already too late. What happens when Diana finds out? She'll kill me and she'll never forgive me and any hope I may have of us being together will be ruined. I am officially a piece of trash, a jerk and an asshole who gets a kick out of breaking girls hearts. It seemed easier with the other girls, I dated them once or twice and then I had sex with them but Diana, Diana was different-- I forgot my motives, I forgot the bet, all that matter with her as corny as it sounds.

I twisted the keys in the ignition, I had to speak to Peter, I needed to stop.

My feet pressed the accelerator as i reversed out of the parking lot, the radio turning on. Drake hummed in the background, my fingertips tapping against the steering wheel as took a left. Suddenly my mother's contact name appeared on the hands free screen on my dashboard, the radio being replaced by my ringtone. I sighed out of frustration,of course, just as I'm about to right my wrongs I get interrupted.

I answered. "Hello?" I said as I turned the wheel.

"Hey, Love. Where are you?" I could hear rustling in the background.

"Just about to go to Peter's why?"

"Oh, could you please cancel? The car wont start and I really need to do some grocery shopping. I'm sorry, love." She sounded exasperated and I definitely wasn't about to leave her alone.

=

I picked my mom up and took her to walmart at eleven am, the two of us strolled around, filling the cart with groceries.

"So how was your date last night?" She asked me, grabbing the cereal and tossing it on top of the mountain of food in the basket.

"Good, yeah." Except for the fact that she had a panic attack and I gave her Aaliyah's anxiety pills-- which I think is kind of dangerous?

"What's she like, huh?" My mom smiles, the gap in her teeth appearing as her eyes wrinkle tight.

"She's beautiful, really beautiful, she's eighteen and her dad works away in new york too." I spoke fondly of Diana, gushing over her like she was some sort of celebrity. My mom pushed the cart into the bread aisle and I tossed some bagels into it.

"You should bring her to meet me, I'll cook the two of you dinner-- you could bring Peter and Will if you want." She smiles and puts the bagels back. "Nice try."

"I've only been seeing her for a few weeks, ma." I told her.

"Ah, I know, darling." She said, rubbing my arm. "It's just it gets so lonely in the house without your father or your sister. I know it's been nearly a year since- you know- but I just miss her. And your father hasn't been home in months, he could be anywhere for all we know." She walked into the home aisle and looked at all the cutlery.

I felt guilty for leaving her alone so often but the truth was that I hated the empty house too, it always felt cold and silent without her laugh.

"I'll speak to her." I gave her a small smile and picked up a blanket, feeling the fabric in my fingertips. "Ooh, that's soft." I threw the blanket into the cart and my mother raised a brow.

"Did I tell you Karla called earlier, she wanted to see how you were doing."

"Karla, as in: Anger-Management You-Have-To-See-A-Therapist-Because-You're-Dangerous, Karla?" I gritted my teeth at the thought of the condescending crap that came out of Anger-Management You-Have-To-See-A-Therapist-Because-You're-Dangerous Karla's mouth, if anything she made me more aggressive.

"That's the one." My mom laughed a little- probably nervous.

"Well what did you tell her?" I asked, intrigued to see how my mother thought I was doing. I mean, I hadn't threatened to deflate somebody's head like a football or punched anyone in a few months.

"That you were okay, that there hadn't been an incident since, well, you know, with Chase McCaughlin at soccer tryouts." She was referring to the threatening to deflate somebody's head like a football incident after Chase had tackled me a little too hard. But the last time I really raged out, the time I went into therapy was when I threw a desk at Romeo Carsilla, and he went into hospital, after what he said about-

My mother cut off my thoughts. "You want Cheetos or Lays?" She asked, holding up the two bags. I grabbed the Cheetos and tossed them in the cart. "So what were you going to talk to Peter about?" Oh, nothing, just that I want to call off my bet on how long it'll take for me to fuck the girl I'm dating— who I actually really like.

"Was just gonna hang out." I lied.

I lied a lot.