3 DEALS✔

CHAPTER 5✔

                       ~Blow away.

                      Like smoke in air.

             How can you die carelessly~

       
       

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As soon as we finished dinner I helped Mom clean up and went to my room. I sat on my bed as I kept staring outside my window. I saw a big full moon with million stars in the sky. I smiled as I recalled a memory.

"If I die Lucy will you miss me?" Landon said rubbing my head which was situated on his chest as we both lay under the starry sky. I slapped his chest as I moved my head to glare at him. "Don't say that." I said. "Will you Lucy?" He asked, seriousness lacing his features.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I will. Landon I LOVE YOU. There's no way I'll ever forget you. You mean everything to me. How can you possibly think I would never miss you." I said frowning.

"Relax love. I was just asking." He said smiling. "Maybe I don't say it enough but Landon I love you. And nothing's gonna change that." I said.

He smiled and kissed my forehead. I settled back into his arms. We both stared at the stars in the sky. "I always loved stars you know. Besides the fact that they're burning they still shine. They're so fascinating aren't they?" I said. "Yes they are. I like to believe that they are dead people. They're all dead but they still shine." He said. "What if I die Landon? Will you be able to find me in these zillion stars?" I said. "I will. Because even in these zillion stars you'll shine the brightest." He said smiling.

A sad smile graced my features as I recalled Landon's words. People say that it gets better. They say time heals everything but why hasn't it healed me? Why am I still broken? Why don't I deserve to be happy?

"You deserve all the happiness in the world love, don't forget that." I turned my head to the side to see Landon standing at the window smiling at me. "Hello Landon." I said smiling sadly at him. "Hello Love." He said coming to sit at my bed. Even though he was dead I always found a way to see him. He was a fragment of my conscience. I was still connected to him in my mind.

"How do you always find a way to make me see you." I said. "It's not me Love, you summon me. I'm a fragment of your conscience. You're just not ready to let go of me." He said. "I never will let go of you." I said tears falling down my cheeks.

"But you have to. You can't keep holding on to me. I'm not real. I'm dead Lucy. If you don't let go of me you'll never heal, Love. And I don't want to be the one who hurts you. Move on from me. Find someone who will love you as much as I did." He said.

"Are you out of your mind? Landon I can never do that. I would be betraying you by doing that. You're the one I made promises of love with. Without you I can't do anything." I said angrily.

"Yes you can, love. You have to believe in yourself. You have to know that I'm not real. I will always be dead. Don't hold yourself back from happiness that you deserve Lucy. You're just not hurting yourself but me too by doing that." He said.

"I'm sorry Landon. I'm really sorry please don't do this. I love you." I said.
"And I love you Lucy but I can't be there to love you. I'm gone Lucy. I'm dead. I can only watch over you." He said.

"But Landon...."

"No buts Lucy. I've hurt you enough by dying. I'm not gonna hurt you anymore." He said as he disappeared.

Realization settled in. Once again I believed he was real. Once again I'm astounded by my idiocy. Why? Why me?

If anyone could me hear me right now they'll think I'm crazy. But little did I know someone was in fact listening to every word outside my door.