Star Wars: Episode IX - The New Order

Another Choice

Kylo's P.O.V.

She moves her hand from my hair to my chest. I put both of my hands behind her head, pushing her more into me. Out of all of the things I've done, this one feels right. I feel so powerful. The most powerful I've ever felt. It feels like something is connecting us. We're too far away where the Resistance can't see us, but the First Order can, but I don't care. They can't do anything to stop us. We break apart and lay our foreheads against each other. I can feel her heart beating. It's beating fast, really fast but mine's definitely beating faster. I feel our connection, not only between us but with the force. It's connecting us in a way I never knew was possible. Maybe something even stronger than the force. The things we could do together. Being with her makes me forget the First Order. I forget everything wrong and cruel I've done in my life. It makes me want to leave the First Order entirely.

My hands move from the back of her head, tangled in her hair, to her soft cheek. "Come with me." I say looking at her. Our foreheads stop leaning against one another and she looks at me. Her slight smile fades. "Ben... We've been through this. I can't."

"But you can. You can come with me. I'll leave the First Order and you can leave the Resistance. There was a time where you weren't involved in any of this. You could go back... with me. We could stay together. Forever."

"I was miserable before I came here. I was so alone."

"And I was miserable before I met you. I was also alone. But if we leave now, we can be together. Please, Rey."

"Ben... I can't. I thought you would change your mind by now, but you're still the same." She says with tears streaming down her face. I back away with my hand still on her cheek. "....Then I'm sorry." I take my hand away from her. I would have changed my mind if she just took my hand for once. At least she made my choice easy.

"I'll never hurt you, Rey. But I'm still the Supreme Leader of the First Order." I raise my hand up and point towards the Resistance hoping that the First Order will catch my queue. A second later a red beam of light from the sky hits the base and destroys it. I look at Rey. She turns and yells in agony as she drops to the ground, and puts her face in her hands to sob, sinking in the sand. I slowly walk away. "I'm sorry..." I say quietly to her but mostly to myself. I can feel tears start to well up in my eyes. I don't want to leave her, but I have to. I walk slowly and hesitantly back onto the command ship and it flies me back into the destroyer. I walk out of the ship confused. Everybody's looking at me in shock as I walk back on the platform where Audrey is looking at the Base with tears in her eyes. "You're a monster." She says not looking away from the destroyed base.

"I know." I say ashamed. I grab her arm and pull her back to her cell. Everybody still stares at me as I pull her. As we walk down the long, lonely, corridor she starts to speak. "You don't feel anything? Anything at all?"

I stay silent. We get to her cell and I open the cell door.

She doesn't speak in an angry voice but a sad one. "I hope you're happy here, because you just threw away your last shot at true happiness. I know you were miserable before, but you can never come back from this. The only way that you can ever get another shot is if she comes to you and you know very well, that's not going to happen." She looks down as she walks into her cell. I close the door, then wanting to walk away immediately, she reaches through the cell bars and grabs my hand as it's still on the door. "You're scared. I see that now. You're scared because you left the only thing that cared about you. But what I don't get is why. Why did you have to do that to yourself? Why are you still the Supreme Leader?"

I hesitate. "Because I have nothing else left."

She looks deep into my eyes, almost reading them. "You have yourself."

I look at her with no expression and take my hand off of the door then I walk away.

I sit on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. What have I done? I destroyed the Resistance. I should feel more powerful than I've ever been, but I've never felt so weak. I've only felt strong when I'm with her. I still feel her warm, soft lips against mine. As soon as I felt her lips on mine, I've never wanted anything so badly in my life. Now she'll never come back to me and I'll never get another chance. I've already gotten way too many than I deserve. I threw away every chance I had with Rey. I just want power too much. Or maybe I just knew I was going to let her down anyway. Maybe there's is some truth to what Audrey said.

I lay fully down on my bed and look at the ceiling. I defeated the Resistance. All what's left is to take over the galaxy. I guess I start that tomorrow. I have to. I've lost all motivation to do anything. All the guilt is pushing down on me, especially now. Everything I've done. All the people I've killed. My father. My uncle. I regret it all. I wish I could change. She was the only thing keeping Ben alive. I had another choice. I made the wrong one again, like I always do. I used to think that I was nothing without the First Order because I had so much power and authority but now I realize I need her. I'm nothing without her.