Life 2.0: mostly sweet short M2F TG stories

A Sad Dark Depressing Bonus Story

I wrote this from inside the head of a fictional character posting to an online forum and tried to capture the emotions and sense of worthlessness some teens feel.

This is not from any one real person, it is a work of fiction based on conversations I heard when I spent a month volunteering at an LGBTQ suicide crisis center.

The spelling and punctuation mistakes are intentional to add to the authenticity and make it really feel like something written by a desperate teen pouring their heart out late one night.

Feel free to use the comments section to start a conversation.

Desperate Plea From An Unnecessary Girl

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Helpline
LGBTQ
<Teen Talk>

« Posted: December 25, 20xx, 04:07:16 am »

This is my first post to this forum and might be my only.

For start U may feel as if this post is entirely unnecessary and bizarre, grotesque even, because it is, deliberately.
If suicidal thoughts bother you and you cant handle anything outside ur protected bubble, you might want to consider no reading.
I am giving you a peek into what I like to call my "mind," an unsorted and meaningless place that is about to collapse. I do not force you to read through all of this. In fact, I advice you not to.

Yes, I has completely lost it. I am trying very hard to find help.
I have been literally sitting here for 40 minutes now, thinking about whether I should post this or not... If u are reading it I did.

As I have been a part of this forum for quite some time but haven't ever posted in here, let me introduce myself, short.

I am a huge wreck, called Coraline or rather, thats what I call myself.
I am 17 years old and pretty pessimistic about everything. Which is why nobody wants to be around me or with me, I guess.
Life sux and isnt much worth living any more. Not that it ever has been.

I have been through a lot. I get the feeling that, if I don't tell anybody what's on my mind, it is going to collapse and I may do something to end it all.
And so I decided to share my thoughts and feelings with you. To let out all my desperation and depression.
Hoping that everything will be okay again.
Please, be my diary for tonight...

PS fxxk Christmas

it is 2am on monday morning and I am up again. Oh well. When was the last time I really slept anyway?
I can not sleep. I am falling apart bit by bit and I struggle to build myself up every single time.
I struggle to keep up, it happens so fast, and so brutally.
From one moment to another, I completely and utterly break. I begin to move and to act without any good sense left to guide me. And so, yet again, I found myself locked inside my bathroom earlier today. With a bag of bad bad pills.
What is it, that tells me to do this every day? What is it in me that refuses to just get rid of them?

I feel as if I am not the host of my own mind anymore. Something demonic is taking my place, and it just wants to get rid of me, so desperately. So forcefully.
The answer to all my answers and to what this "something" is, is rather simple. It is a demonic possession that feeds my depression, my lovely little companion in life.
I don't have friends, and I am completely isolated from my family. No one cares about me. No one understands me. No one accepts.

My family wants to force me to live my life as a boy and has done everything they can to prevent me from transitioning. My dad says I am confused.he says I have been deceived by satan and that I have to resist the lies being feed to me by the evil forces that want to rob me of my soul and damn me to an eternity of torture. I know he's right.

To say my life is going downhill is an understatement. I have been abused by my dads brother every holiday and any other time he comes around since I was 11. It started after he caught me in my room in my sister's clothes.i thought I was home alone at the time.

Why don't I do something about it? My family, my moms family and my dads families would be destroyed by the news and because of who they all are, and what I've become (a disgrace to the family, an embarrassment to everyone) they wouldn't believe my word over him anyways, ever.

The depression and hopelessness never leaves me. It is all that I have. All that keeps me alive, in fact.
I wonder how much longer I can manage to build myself up again before I turn out to be unfixable.
I wonder what comes after death. I know what I have been taught about heaven an hell but is it true? Is some other belief system right? Will I be reborn? Can I be reborn?
I'd like to be reborn as a girl in a better family and have a chance to live a life seperate from all this. I see girls like that and I so desperately want the chance to live their life,its sooo unfair that I cant have what they have.
That would be heaven to me
Please, I want to, just let me escape this miserable excuse of a life and get away from the demon that possesses me and torments me...

I am losing it.
I am falling appart and I am breaking and there is nothing I can do.
Just When did things start to go so horribly wrong? When did things turn out to be inevitable?
Why can't I just keep on faking my smile for everybody?
Why do I start to cry for absolutely no reason at all in front of everybody?

I constantly hear th voice in my head, "You are so embarrassing. Everybody is laughing at you, 'Cora.' You didn't even manage to be born a girl. Nobody likes you. You have nothing left to give to this world. You are a failure. You are alone."

I need to end all of this. I can't take it any longer. If one person asks me how I'm doing between now and friday, I'll tell them, 'not good,' and I'll ask them for help. If no one does, tell my family, days later when they finally discover me missing, that they should start looking down stream from the Hwy 37 bridge.

I am sorry, but maybe I'll come back as a beautiful little girl, an only child in a loving, caring, upper middle class family. What will really happen if I don't get help? I don't know, but I'll either be reborn or I'll wake up literally in hell. Even that'll be better than this.