Becoming Hers

30

"Lexi-" She tried again but I didn't want to hear it.

"I can't do this again Gracie,"

"Lexi-" She repeated but I acknowledged her that time.

"What?" I shouted.

"Just stop talking." She yelled back at me. Her voice was soft but it had so much control.

"Why?" I whispered.

"So I can kiss you." That was seriously surprising, but it warmed me, made things happen to my stomach.

With her hands on my cheeks, she leaned in so close to me. I certainly didn't avoid her lips as they attached onto mine. I'd kissed her a few time's before and each time made me feel more intense things but nothing could've been compared to that kiss knowing full well that she meant it as much as I did. It was knowing that she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

"You taste like smoke," She whispered once we fled from the kiss.

"Well that's because I was just smoking," I stated bluntly.

"Shut up." She whispered as a smile spread across her gorgeous lips.

I leaned in for another, and she knew exactly what I was doing. I locked my hands together behind her head as my lips pressed a small kiss on her soft rosy lips.

I connected our hands and held her close against my body. It felt so amazing to finally be able to hold her like that but it got me thinking what we were exactly. Were we dating or just friends with benefits? Or were we not even anything?

I was going to ask her but she asked me something instead.
"Hey. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I smiled.

"why are you smoking?" I thought we'd cleared that up.

"I've told you." I said.

"Lexi what about your dad?" Gracie asked.

"He never smoked once, still got cancer and still fucking died." Talking about my dad always made me have a mixture of emotions but that time just made me mad.

"Please don't put another cigarette in your mouth, please,"

"Why does it matter if I smoke?" I questioned.

"Because I know you don't really want to. You want to be saved so you're just waiting for someone to save you, to tell you you're beautiful and worth it." She continued.

"Well who's that going to be?" I knew what she was suggesting but I just wanted her to say it.

"I'm here aren't I?" She replied.

"You're here," I said in an almost whisper.

I put out the cigarette with the bottom of my shoe. Gracie was still watching me though and it made me nervous.

"Gracie... I'll try to, it's kind of turned into a habit." I admitted.

"But it's not just that though is it?" She knew. It felt like she knew everything. And she did.

"No," She noticed. She actually noticed.

She inched closer and put her arms around me. "It's going to be okay you know,"

"Is it though?" It felt like she was just saying that because that's what you're meant to say in those situations.

"Yes," She declared, "It will,"

I wiped my face even though I hadn't been crying then I looked at her again. She was beautiful like she always was, but that time it was like I could see through her, like she was letting me. And that just made her even more beautiful.