A Love Like Boomerang *EDITING*

Chapter Fifteen

Love Like Boomerang
Book Two
Chapter Fifteen
Rose's POV
!Edited And Lightly Rewritten!
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I had gone over what I was going to say to Jayden probably a million times in my head. Though when it came down to it, I never could.

I only wanted the best for you? That sounds so stupid, even to me now... How the hell was he supposed to know what I was talking about?

To him, I just ran out on him and I could tell that he was confused by what I was trying to say. He wanted answers. He deserves answers... but I couldn't give them to him, at least not yet.

I could see it in his eyes that he was disappointed in me. I never thought I could hurt him like this... I never wanted to.

When I told him I only wanted what was best for him, I meant that. I didn't want to hold him back and I definitely would've been. He gave up so much to be with me. He did so much for me and made so much possible. I could have never been able to move to New York by myself. That was just a dream... but Jayden made it happen.

But at what cost? He gave up his dream, his career so that I could just go to the school I wanted.

I couldn't hold him back. It was selfish of me to do that! It was eating me alive knowing that he gave up an opportunity of a lifetime for me. It wasn't fair to him...

I thought I was being selfless but It didn't take long for me to realize that I was just being ignorant.

Last night he really made me realize that my actions were really pure ignorance and I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life. I'll have to live with the guilt of knowing what I deprived him of.

When I couldn't lay in bed anymore I got up, left my bedroom and heard a lot of thumping. I ignored it and got in the shower. I brushed my teeth, moisturized my face, applied some mascara, and styled my curly hair to the side for once.

I left the bathroom and headed back to my room to get dressed, still ignoring all the thumping noises.

I dressed and then got JJ up and ready for daycare. He was always so sluggish in the morning. I always had to carry him into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

I dressed him and we were ready to go downstairs and eat breakfast.

"I gotta pee pee!" JJ suddenly said holding his hands between his legs.

"Okay, let's go pee pee."

"I can do it!"

"By yourself? You don't need my help?"

"I can do it mommy!"

"Okay, go ahead. I'm going downstairs but I'll come back up to check on you, okay?"

"Okay!" He then ran off to the bathroom and closed the door behind himself. He liked his privacy.

The thumping stopped and I wondered if it was dad trying to fix something again or mom doing her Zumba. I shrugged it off and headed downstairs to prepare JJ something to eat.

Jayden was leaning up against the counter in the kitchen chugging a bottle of water. He wore the same thing as last night when we had that conversation. Except now, his clothes are damp with sweat. His tank clung to his sweaty body torso but that was nothing compared to the sweat that had his arms, face and chest glistening like a glazed honey bun. Muscles bulged and flex just like his spare jaw was going as he chugged his water. His hair was still up in a messy ponytail, yet strains of hair clung to his wet forehead and dangled out of his ponytail.

I tried to look away but I couldn't. He stood there looking like some kind of Greek God or something right out of my wet dreams.

His skin was tan and veins were bulging from his arms. Something I've always found attractive about him... The muscles on his arms flexed and my eyes traveled all the way down down down to his defined pack of abs that I knew wear hiding under that shirt. My eyes traveled all the way back up to his face, all chiseled jaw, thick beard, full lips and sexy 'come fuck me' eyes.

My body was hot. I watched him wipe the corner of his mouth and toss the bottle in the trash.

His eyes locked on mine as he licked his lips and that pulse between my legs that has been dormant for so long pulsed to life and I fought the urge to cross my legs.

I cleared my throat and forced myself to look away.

Get the milk Rose... Just make JJ his cereal.

I walked over to the refrigerator and at the same time he walked over to the door frame. We'd just switched places, like a dace.

"Good morning." I greeted ass normally as I could.

"Morning," his baritone replied.

"Mommy!" JJ excitedly run to me.

He was happy that he used the bathroom by himself. Even though he's been doing it by himself for a while now, I tried my best to match his excitement every time he did. He's still only two going on three, so he still has accidents in the bed from time to time.

JJ sat down to eat and I could tell that he was curious about Jayden. They haven't been introduced yet. The selfish and scared part of me preferred it that way... but the other reasonable but equally as scared part of me said that I needed to tell him the truth.

But when JJ asked, "Mommy, who's that man?" I couldn't answer him. Fear just held me by the tongue...

Nervously, I stared at Jayden who stared at JJ with an expression I couldn't read.

Tell him now! Tell them both, Right fucking now!!! Just do it! My inner voice yelled at me.

Jayden then got down to JJ's height and held out his hand for JJ to shake, "I'm Jayden little man. I'm..." He paused and glanced at me briefly. "Your mom's friend. What's your name?"

"JJ," he said with a mouth full of cereal and shook Jayden's large hand the best he could.

Oh my God...

I loved the look in Jayden's eyes as he watched JJ. JJ is a friendly kid and got along with everybody and underneath that hard exterior, Jayden is the exact same way.

"and you know what else?" Jayden reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet and then took out a ten dollar bill and gave it to JJ. "You tell your mommy that you can pay for your own ice cream."

"Wow! Really?" JJ happily asked.

"Yup. All yours little man," Jayden smiled at him and It was a real smile.

"Thank you!" JJ sat the money on the table next to his cereal and held up his hand to Jayden. "High five!"

Jayden gently gave him a high five and ruffled his hair.

Watching JJ smile and laugh with Jayden warmed my heart. I watched the genuine smile on Jayden's face as he stood up to his full height and watched our son eat his cereal.

My eyes burned like all hell and I knew that I was about to burst into tears.

"Are you okay?" Jayden asked.

I'm just... overwhelmed and sad. Incredibly sad that deprived them both of many moments like this.

I quickly nodded and breathed deeply trying to stop myself from letting out a sob. "Yeah, of course. I'm fine."

I was lying though, and I knew that. Jayden knew it too...

I wasn't fine and I hated that he even cared enough to ask me if I was.

"Rose..." He softly said as he wanted to console me but I wouldn't let him do that.

I don't deserve his sympathy.

"I'm fine," I shook my head and wiped my face. When I knew trying to stop the tears and sobs that were about unpack my body, I quickly said, I couldn't stop myself from crying I said, "I'm sorry. I'm fine.", and ran off to the bathroom.

As soon as the door was closed behind me, I turned the water on at the sink and slid down the door to floor. I covered my mouth so my sobs couldn't be heard.

Things that I've buried for years all came rushing to the surface around Jayden... and knowing that I have to tell him JJ is his son is scaring the fuck out of me.

JJ liked Jayden and why wouldn't he? Jayden's amazing. Father like son...

I'm a horrible mother...