16 | cardella?

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We were sat in each other's arms for a while, neither of us made any indication to move out of our hold

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We were sat in each other's arms for a while, neither of us made any indication to move out of our hold. Theo seemed to have sobered up but he continued to breathe heavily while my own tears matted my cheeks. 

My head hurt. Knowing that my family had done such things in the past, and continues to do such things til this day-- behind my back, I didn't know how to feel at the moment, I hadn't completely digested the information.

I know my question wasn't fully answered however, I wanted to ask why my father had Theo's brother captured but I didn't want to push it out of him, I didn't want him to relive any more pain at the moment. 

Watching your own mate break down, despite not accepting him yet, it felt impossible to describe the feeling. I felt pain that wasn't even a fraction of his through our bond and it collapsed me. Having your mate broke down in front of your eyes has the effect to make your heart drop to a pit in your stomach, I felt suffocated by his pain. 

As much as I didn't want to admit, using my mother as I reason to stay with him was a fib-- I wanted to say but I didn't want to admit it to myself, I didn't want to admit that I wanted to stay with a monster-- that I wanted to hand over my heart and soul to a man that was feared by millions. 

"Theo," I was the first to speak, the silence that was once comfortable between us was now suffocating us and all I wanted was to hear his voice. He looked up from our positions, his head lulling in the nape of my neck, my neck that was once heated by his warmth breath felt instantly chilly. 

Looking at his face almost broke my heart-- he looked broken. 

I didn't know what else to say, so I stayed quiet. Despite Theo moving out of our position, my hands stayed put around his neck, my fingers fiddling with the hairs on the back of his neck while his arms were loosely around my waist. Something I had found my way on to his lap, straddling him as he held me up from falling on the floor.

I wanted to say sorry, I wanted to apologize for everything wrong that had happened in his life because of my family, it was my family's fault he was so broken-- inside.

But deep down I knew that sorry wasn't going to fix anything, it wasn't going to bring his family back. 

"I'm sorry," I sighed, his eyebrows furrowed at my words and opened his mouth to speak but I continued. "I'm sorry I forced you do relive... that."  My eye sight dropped down from his eyes and focused his Adam's apple as it moved with the way he gulped . 

"You have nothing to apologize for, you had the right to know." But I did, I forced him to feel things he had blocked away for years. 

"But I forced it." Theo shook his head at me before resting his head back into the nape of my neck-- as if it were it's home. The feeling warmed me in this quite chilly conversation.

"You didn't know." Again, we sat that for a moment in silence. Neither of us knew what to say, any other conversation felt tainted by what just happened. 

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