Escaping Strings

Chapter 4: Him

“Nothing. I said, it's just your hunger that it's making you lose your sanity. Now, eat.”

“Yes, let's eat!”

Ang gwapo niya, shit. Why the heck does he have this such a model-like look? Kainis, ang dami tuloy nagkakagusto sa kaniya.

We're now eating our desserts and having a very good conversation. Sana pala ay umuwi na lang ako. Lecheng buhay ito oh, hindi mawala-wala ang tukso kahit sa loob lang ng isang araw. I think, Iris and I aren't just twins. Maybe, we're triplets and temptation is the other one.

“Nakaka-miss 'yung ganito, 'yung tayong dalawa lang. Simple and low-key, but we're happy,” he said.

He smiled and yet you can see the sadness in his eyes. I smile back at him. Parang kanina lang, tawa pa kami nang tawa pero ngayon biglang tumahimik. 'Yan na nga ba ang sinasabi ko eh, I should have just gone home or ignored him. Tanga-tanga mo talaga, Martina. Hindi ka na nadala. We... We are good naman na, 'di ba? Bumuntong-hininga ako saka nangalumbaba sa table.

“I'm done.”

“Sure? You should try this—”

“No, no, I'm good.” I give him an assuring smile.

Tumango-tango naman siya saka muling bumalik sa pagkain. I stared while he do that. He's busy having his dessert which gave me this opportunity to freely stare at his handsome face. Gosh, Vince! Kung hindi ka lang talaga tanga, 'di sana ay tayo pa rin. Ang saya-saya natin noon, pero nasira lang ng isang basura. I smile to what I am saying inside my head. Then suddenly I grunt and I wish he never heard the sound that came from my throat. I nearly fall from my seat when he suddenly look at me.

“I'll get it.”

“No, ako na.”

Hindi ko na siya hinayaang makatayo. Yumuko na agad ako sa ilalim ng table para kunin ang spoon. Good thing, it fell on the floor. Hindi ko man lang kasi namalayan na may tumutulo na palang luha mula sa mga mata ko. Stop it, Martina! That's no good, you are being weak again. I rapidly wipe my tears off from my face and get back to my chair.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Tanong-tanong ka pa. Gago ka talaga, Vince! Sa tingin mo? Bwisit ka. Obvious naman na napansin niya, itatanong pa.

“Are you done?” I asked.

Ang bait ko pa rin talaga at kaya ko pang gawin ang kung anuman ang ginagawa ko para sa kaniya.

“Yeah.”

“Let's go.”

Tumayo na ako at lumapit naman siya para ialok sa akin ang braso niya. Tinanggap ko naman ito saka tahimik na sinabayan ang lakad ng isa't isa palabas ng restaurant. Buti kaya mo? Tanong ko sa sarili ko. Wala eh, tough woman ako. Generous pa kaya nakapagbigay rin agad ng kapatawaran, pero hanggang doon na lang iyon. Nothing more, nothing less.

Silence remained as he drove me home. This is really awkward. Dapat kasi ay umuwi na talaga ako eh, maling sumama ako sa kaniya.

“We're here.”

Hindi ko napansin na nasa harap na pala kami ng condo kung saan ako nakatira. Tulala na naman ako, hays. Bigla ko kasing naalala 'yung mga nangyari noon, bad trip.

“Thank you, Vince,” I said as soon as he opened the door for me.

Bumaba na ako para pumasok sa loob ng building. Ayaw ko na sana siyang tingnan pa pero bigla niya akong hinila. He hug me tight.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered on my ears.

I hate it but what he did just made my remaining tears for him inside my system fell completely. I did not speak for a while, I let the pain he have caused me flow along with my tears. This is the last, this will be the last. I won't let people make me cry ever again for the upcoming events of my gorgeous life. Swear, I won't ever let people hurt me like this, never again. This is the first and the last time that he'll ever see my tears.

“I hate you,” I said as I cried.

“I know.” He kiss my head as I hug him back.

“Please, Martina….” I hear him sniff, sign that he's also crying, “I don't wanna lose you again.”

“Hindi mo naman ako iiwan, hindi ba? Not something like what happened before. I know it's still hurting you. What I have done was unforgivable but you still did, you tried giving me chance to show my love. Things were totally different now, but please, if we can no longer bring us back together like how it should be, just please, let's just be like this.”

He faced me and kissed my forehead. I didn't answer, instead, I tighten my hug.

It hurts.

Yes, it does.