Compilation of One Shots

My insanity

  Bear with me, I can't help it.  

Something inside me has always been there and it keeps me up at night. It feels like I'm mourning for something I haven't even had.  

What if I told you? I didn't mean to fall inlove with you, this wasn't my plan or something but I just couldn't ignore it— the feelings, the memories, the love itself. Some pieces of myself despite having my heart broken before and a million of broken promises at all decided that this kind of love was worth it, it was worth the risk. It looks like if you are the cliff, I am the water beneath, and the moment we fall, we deform.

Would you runaway and ignore me? Would you stay?  I fear that one day you'll also leave, I'll wake up one night missing you and it will be too far too late, I am wondering what is more deathly? A knife of a words? or a knife of an actions? I am hoping that you'll stay even if it's hard to love a broken girl without breaking yourself.

Would you love someone who breaks you twice? I know being inlove and not being loved back is like sleeping on the clouds but feeling a thousand needles and I know that I made you feel it. You deserve someone who wants to hold your hand as she introduced you to everyone. You deserve a love so strong, an arm to hold you firmly, you deserve someone better than me but somehow I am expecting that you're still there waiting for me, even if I broke you, it may sound so selfish but I am now here, at the moment of wanting you, of loving you endlessly.

Will you let me in again? I've been knocking your heart so many times but you failed to see it. I am joking you so much just to say it, every moment of the day my thoughts immediately go to you, I was so fragile and I can't help but to think how would I feel if you reject me? I'm a disaster and I am imagining things like what if you enter my world? Will you be happy with it? I am trying to push this feelings away but it was relentless, it always pulling me back. I know I am so selfish because even after breaking your heart I keep coming back, somehow just to make sure it can't recover, it can wait, for me to love you back.

There's so much I want to say but I'm so scared to give away. Could you love a broken girl knowing you'll get hurt? Could you love a girl with a blissful facade but the heart is damaged? Will you promise your love will make it shine longer and brighter? I don't know how to hide it from you, each touch of our hand, each jokes we had, each memories we've done, I am falling hard, expecting for more and I want to keep it safe and sound. 

Your eyes, your touch, your smile, your love, your existence, you. That's my insanity.

Bear with me, I can't help it.