He's the bad boy. I'm the good girl.

Going home.

(Songs for this chapter is In My Blood by my baby Shawn Mendes, Alone by Halsey and Sober by Bazzi.)

Chapter fourty eight. 

I sit beside Xavier as he peacefully sleeps, I know I don't have long but I don't want to really wake him up, but then I do. I can't keep my eyes away from his face, where some bruises lay scattered around his nose, lips and eyes. I slowly cast my eyes down his body that lays under a thin white blankets and I wince, seeing the tubes and wires coming out from all over the place. His heart moiniter beeps quietly in the background, giving me proof that he is alive and breathing. I watch his chest rise and fall for a few seconds before I look back up to his face and gasp in suprise when I see his tired light brown eyes that look much darker, staring right at me. 

"Rosie" he croaks out, his voices breaks out as his eyes blink a few times, as if he's trying to clear blurriness from them. "Rosie" but this time he says my name much louder and clearer. Tears instantly gather in my eyes, causing them to blur, but I blink them away. "Don't cry" a small laugh falls out from mouth after hearing him say that. How can I not cry when he's in this position because of me, he's laying in a hospital bed because of me, he could of die because of me. He's in so much pain because of me "Stop." He croaks out. 

I know I shouldn't think like this of myself but I can't help it, I can't stop the doubts and worries and the guilt, the bloody guilt of it all. Because we're in this postions because of me, because Xavier is laying in a hospital bed, where he could of lost his life because he got shot twice, bloody twice because of me. The burn in my eyes gets worse, and I deserve it, I deserve much more, I deserve to be shot at to feel the pain I put the person I love dearly through.

I blink my tears away and take in a deep breath and then slowly letting it go before tilting my chin and looking at the broken boy in front of me. 

"I'm so sorry" I whisper and my voice breaks in the end. I reach for his hand and as soon as our hands touch, our fingers lace together, Xavier squeezing my hand many times. "So, so sorry Axe. I shouldn't of dragged you into this mess, you, you could of di-died" my voices cracks again in the end, a sob breaking free from my mouth. "A-and its all my-my fault." I whimper at the thought of him being dead. 

"Hey, hey Rosie look at me, p-please" I hear Xavier's scratchy voice. "Rosie, I'm fine, I'm alive, look I'm here, I'm okay" Xavier says in a pleading tone. I slowly lift my head up and look all over his gorgeous face, even it is covered in bruises and looks a lot paler than normal, he still looks gorgeous. "I'm here, right here in front of you. I'm going to be okay" Xavier whispers the last part. 

I nod my head before looking down at our joined hands and smile sadly, a patch of plaster and a needle is just above his thumb where it must of been used for a drip. 

I feel disrespectful for not listening to what Mrs Parker has said, but then Mr Parker must of known we were coming, because he let me in straight away, even know he knew what his wife said. Her words keep repeating in my head. "Your the reason my son almost died" and its true, I am the reason her son almost died, I shouldn't even be in this room because Xavier is here because of me, but deep down I can't stay away from him. I know if I do stick around that I might possibly be a distraction for Xavier while he recovers and I couldn't cope knowing I could be a down fall in his recovery. But then there's this part of me who wants to be a part of his recovery, who wants to be there for him when he can become himself again. And I knew from this moment that I've forgiven him, forgiven him for everything, for the pain he's brought me, the cheating, the lying. Everything. I have forgiven this boy because I truly do love him, and never can imagine being without him. And when I do try to imagine my life without I cringe because once I've had a taste of him, I don't think, no I know I can never go without him for the rest of life. I'm addicted and I don't think I can stop it.