Warnings: heavy feels
Notes: Get a tissue box
Empty. Lost. Cold.
Ezra sat alone on the edge of the cavern, hands draped over his legs and his shoulders slouched. Eyes gazed into the distance, dull and unfocused. He was tired. No, he was exhausted. Shattered beyond compare. His muscles ached, his limbs were heavy. Any sane person would sleep. But Ezra couldn’t sleep. Despite his weary body, his mind was wide awake, too wired from the yesterdays events. From Kanan's death.
Glancing up at the moons of Lothal, Ezra let out a breath and tried to let himself relax, to unwind, to process everything. But it was easier said than done. Kanan was the closest person he had to a father, but now he was gone. Just like his blood dad.
Ezra took in a shuddering inhale and reached out in the Force. Trying to find the warm presence of his Master through a bond. The one he and Kanan had created together through love and trust and that had stayed firm for three years. But what Ezra was greeted with was an emptiness that had been there since Kanan's passing. The hole where Kanan's presence once filled. The hole where Ezra's father figure once filled.
Staring at the sky, the stars blurred as tears filled Ezra's eyes. He brushed them away. He had to be stong. He had to stay firm with his emotions. Everyone was lost, but he needed to stay together. But he always felt complete with Kanan. He was a Padawan without a Master, with lessons still needed to be learned, and ropes of life still needed to be tied. Ezra covered his mouth as a small hiccup escaped him, tears starting to fall.
'Stay strong' he told himself, wiping away the tears.
'Always stay stong. Always.'
Hera, Sabine, Zeb, Ahsoka, Rex, Sato, and Kanan. Had all held themselves together in situations like this. Through the most traumatizing and difficult moments, all his friends had pushed through.
Why couldn't he?
"Whop whop?"
Ezra jumped a little as he looked round to see Chopper. The little droid instantly noticed the boy's tear stained face and rolled over. Stopping beside the young Jedi, he reached out one of his metal arms and rested it on Ezra's shoulder. He warbled quietly. Ezra looked at Chopper, eyes sorrowful.
"I know, I miss him too."
Chopper gently squeezed the teen's shoulder, beeping softly.
"No, I can't sleep, g-go recharge or something Chop, I can keep watch for the night" Ezra said, voice cracking mid-sentence.
Chopper shook his head and warbled more firmly. Ezra sighed, glancing at the astromech.
"Alright, fine, you win" he admitted.
Chopper lightly patted Ezra's back and the boy got up.
"Can't guarantee how long I'll be able to sleep though."
Chopper beeped, lightly pushing Ezra towards the tunnels with his dome.
"Okay okay, I'm going" Ezra said.
Chopper nodded with satisfaction before rolling back over to the cliff and setting down for night watch duty.
__________________________________
Ezra decieded to sleep in a different cavern than the others. Mainly because he wanted to be alone, but also because he couldn't face the others looking so broken. Lying down on the floor, Ezra tossed the blanket he'd taken from the storage over himself and rested his head on his arms. Exhaling slowly, Ezra curled into a ball and closed his now heavy eyelids. Accepting the embrace of unconsciousness...
Fire flickered and roared as the fuel pod erupted. Kanan, who'd been helping Hera climb aboard the Imperial gunship, turned to the flames. The heat rose like a wave, attempting to climb the invisible barrier Kanan put between the fire and the rebels.
