A Solitude in Hugs

19/story one/

I feel his eyes on me.

I'm trying so hard not to turn.

I can feel his want, his passion, his dramatic pull from his heart begging for me to meet his eyes, to confirm I'm thinking the same thing. That I don't want anything more than to kiss him. That I don't need anything more than to have him alone. And yes, that is exactly how I feel. And I know if I look at him, he'll know.

But I don't give him the satisfaction.
I won't.

It's May 12th, it's sunny outside, and I'm leaving tommorow. This is my last day as a student teacher.

Ever.
I know, its crazy.

So far the day has been filled with me getting random presents and people giving me cards and making me feel so weirdly important I can't even breathe. It's like the best feeling ever knowing people care about you. And all I did was stand around and help Mrs. Jackson pass out papers most of the time. All I did was be there. But apparently people loved me.

I guess I should've guessed from the girls, and Dan of course, and the way even Pj looked disappointed. In his own snarky way. But I am still lost. Cause I'm leaving. And starting this August I was going to be a teacher. A high school teacher. Woah.

I still feel his eyes on me.

The bells about to ring. I feel like as soon as it does the tension will subside so I wait it out, standing my ground against his brown eyes. Really really pretty...brown eyes...so pretty.

Fricken FrAck!!
I looked.

I don't think I've ever seen a smile so smug in my life when I finally meet his gaze. He winks at me and I blush, hating that the bell rings just then. Damn it, I could've won. I don't think I've won all year.

"Sooooo, last day, huh, Lester?" He says, grinning slightly. "I'll miss your face."

"Yours too." I say casually, trying not to smile cause I don't want to lose the smug war either.

"Of course..." Dan says in an even cheekier tone that makes me want to stop him right there. "...That's not all I'll miss..."

I don't like the way he says that. I mean, I think I do but I think I don't like the way I like the way he said that. I think I like the way he says things like that so much I hate how much I like it when he does it. I hate that I just confused myself with my own thoughts. I don't like it when I do that.

"I...oh."

He laughs very loudly, loud enough to make Mrs. Jackson give us a look. I remember the world I'm in for a second. Where for months now I've been trapped in moments with a boy I'm in love with without doing a thing. Nothing. Nada. Like we promised.

And I remember that it's really hard to keep from doing nothing. Nada. And I remember that it's especially hard when there's no one in the world who can know about it accept for us.

About the fact that we're doing nothing. Nada.

Well...close to nothing.
Close.

"You should get to class, Howell," I say, and he's still smiling like there's something amusing to him about my face.

"And what if I don't?"

I look at Mrs. Jackson from the doorway and I look back at him and I'm conflicted. Ohhhhhh my goddddd I want to kiss him so bad I could die. But I can't.

I can't!

"I'll have to see you in detention."

He smiles. "I wish."

I smile back warmly. "No seriously, go before you're late. Your last day is in two days!! And you graduate in two weeks."

"Will you be there?"

How can it feel so good to just be around him? I can't help but smile wider. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

His eyes are on me. They're sparkling.

I hate that I have to wave goodbye.

//

Pj Liguori is not my lunch date.

But today, May 12th, he shows up anyway with the biggest smile on his face and a single flower, stopping me from entering the teachers lounge.

"Hello there, good sir." He greets, bowing dramatically. "Pleased to see you again, Lester."

I raise an eyebrow. "Um...hi."

He enters, his eyes sweeping the classroom as if looking for someone. When he sees it's just me since Mrs. Jackson went to lunch already he turns around with a sigh. "Oh good I don't have to play nice."

He tosses the flower and pulls himself up onto the desk, his eyes reflecting his cynical nature and his smile more twisted then it was only a second ago. "I believe we have some business."

I furrow my eyebrows. "We do?"

He shrugs. "Well you're leaving today, and I thought it only fair that I apologize."

"You did?"

He chuckles. "Believe it or not, sir, I didn't hate you. I actually liked you a lot. You're determined, sweet, loving. You care so much it makes you quite the interesting character. And you'd do anything to make someone feel happy. Especially...especially because you've seen someone you loved so unhappy they hurt more than themselves, but everyone around them."

I'm still for a second. There is no way he's talking about Jonah. It's not possible for him to know about Jonah. I can't breathe, because yet again I'm faced with a question of how he knows everything about me and it defies

reality.

He reads my face. Those green eyes don't get any less calculating. They don't care for your emotions, they derive them from you. They just want to keep reading you. And now I finally see how they lock you in.

Something is so off about Pj Ligouri.
So off about
Something is so
Pj
Ligouri
ourlii.jpg

"Phil?" He tilts his head and Isnap
snap out of my trance.

"W-what?"

He curses. "Damn it. Let me just fix this."

Black
Black
Black
Black
Black

I snap.
snap out of my trance.
Snap into.

reality.

"How do you....how do you know all of those things?"

He looked satisfied. I don't know why. I feel blanked. He shrugs, his position shifting.
he keeps smiling.

"I'm not like you, Phil. That's why I like you. You're simple. Humans are so simple."

"What?"

He hops off the desk. "I think I've said enough. I got the ending I wanted out of you. This story has been great. But I have another one to close."

I'm so confused.
He looks like he's not real. He's so unbelievably chill when I feel like my minds been played with. Like he's shifted
reality.

"Wait." I say, and when I touch him it feels familiar. But also like he's blue in a world of red. Out of place. I see it. It's the eyes. "Why do you talk to me like you know more than I do?"

This question seems to catch him off guard. He must not suspect I'm so aware. He smiles. "Because I do."

And I want to ask him something more but he isn't having it. "I think it's time I got erased from here. I have business elsewhere with a different you. You can't know all this though, your epilogue is coming. Your happy ending I've worked so hard for."

"Happy ending?"

"Well yes. This is a fair game, after all. Goodbye, Lester."

"But-"

Black
Black
Black
Black
ourlii.jpg

Oh dear, it seems I've ended the chapter.

//

AN: not my game