Not Like Your Demons

Chapter 10

I had started converting this a while ago, but then things happened and I wasn't able to finish it.

@Nighttime_Dreaming It all makes sense now. You'll see. My heart just broke cause I don't know how I missed that.

And with that message above, there is a heartbreaking moment in this.

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It's been almost thirty minutes after Camila and Normani took off, but Lauren's heart is still beating dangerously fast so she pulls Allen even closer to her chest. She can't stop shaking no matter how much she tries to calm herself. Inside her head, she knows she shouldn't deserve to calm down. She's messed up - she's messed up so bad. And now she's put her mother's life in danger. Her mama could die because of her. The thought makes her heart burn even worse and the tears fall down her cheeks faster.

She shivers uncontrollably. What if father learns about it somehow? If he knows that she let her bruises be seen, there'll be severe consequences. He promised her that and he always keeps his promises. She's scared that he'll beat her to pieces - sure - but she's downright terrified that he'll kill her mama. That's what he said would be her punishment if she ever let her bruises be discovered. That's what he tells her always.

She doesn't want that to happen. Her mama can't die. She can't. She's a good person whose only mistake is become Lauren's mother. Clara's really nice to her. She always tells father to stop beating her even he shouldn't. She takes care of her when she's too sick to do anything. She's the only one Lauren has should Dinah get tired of her, too. Which may be anytime soon.

Mama's her only hope of being maybe, possibly loved.

She prays that father would believe her when she says she tried her best to hide her bruises. She really did. If only he would lessen her punishment and just beat her up instead of kill her mama. But she also knows he wouldn't believe her because she screwed up so much in the past. Why would he believe her now? Lauren barely believes herself.

She whimpers against her pillow, desperately wanting time to stop. Would that be impossible? She's terrified of tomorrow. What would Camila and Normani think of her now? They say they're sorry - and Lauren's not even sure if they're sincere - but she'll be more of a freak in their eyes once they know she's a failure at home, too. She'd be an even bigger joke at school once everyone knows how her father sees her. How she sees herself.

What if they tell Dinah? Lauren's eyes go wide and her breath quickens even more. Will the kind blonde - who for some reason can actually stand her - be disgusted with her, too? Her chest feels impossibly heavy at that thought so she takes a few puffs from her inhaler.

She forces herself to be calmer - asthma only adds to the hurt. She closes her eyes lightly and tries to think of other things - anything that could distract her from her bad life. She tries to conjure White Rabbit in her mind and Mad Hatter and the Good Queen, the tea party and the huge chess board and the magic mushrooms - and they'd work for a while. She'd actually feel lighter.

But eventually - like always - her mind would go back to her reality and she'd find herself hurting again.

She has so many fears tonight, but on top of that is Dinah. What would she do now? If Ally's here, she can tell Lauren what to do. But Ally's not here - and she never will.

Then she remembers something: maybe if she finishes her drawing, Dinah can give her a leeway. She's not even that good of an artist but she knows she has to give Dinah something before their friendship - just like everything else in her life - ends. She hopes her drawing would somehow be enough for the nice blonde to consider Lauren's bad sides.