Memories of Summer

[Week 8: Laura]

Dear Diary,

It's the eight week of summer break. After so many hours with families coming and going with friends meeting them in the door the room had started to feel more familiar than I would have wanted. Tears had been openly mixed with disappointment and pure sadness.

Liam laid before me, he was still pale after the minutes of asphyxia. Bruises in purple, green and yellow were covering both of our bodies and as I could see how deep breaths escaped Liam's split lips I couldn't help but be so thankful that jump hadn't caused more damage.

Liam's brother had actually pushed him over a cliff. Maybe his intention hadn't been to kill Liam, it was actually hard to say. My body had been frozen by fear as Liam's body had been helplessly hanging in his aggressive brother's grip. But as his brother, Noah, had let go of him a scream of helplessness escaped his lips as if reality had finally caught up with him.

I hadn't stayed to watch his breakdown, instead, I had just followed my heart as it was without protection falling against another heartbreak. I couldn't let that happen.

Liam's body had been heavy, in the beginning, I couldn't find him and as I kept screaming his name I could hear my own lungs screaming for air I knew he wasn't getting.

In front of me, from the chair I had been spending most of my time, did Liam's swollen eyes start to flutter. His eyes focused on me and in that moment I had never wished more that he would never let go of me with those jades of his.

"Why did you jump after me?"

His voice was sore and if we hadn't been alone with the only sound being the machines holding Liam alive, I would probably not have been able to hear him. I rose and sat down next to him, he directly tried to reach for me, but the painful expression that flew over his face showed how much pain his body was in. He must have hit the surface of the water without panic as what had happened was something neither of us could ever have imagined.

I reached for the pillow behind him and put it behind his head so that he was sitting up.

"Because without me you would have drowned, I haven't forgotten the little detail that you can't swim, Liam."

A crocked laugh escaped from Liam's lips and you could hear that there was still water in his lungs as it didn't sound like it usually did.

"So you didn't want me to drown after all?"

I couldn't help but smile at that moment thinking that if he hadn't been in a hospital bed I would probably have reacted differently to that comment.

"No, I did not."

We sat in a peaceful silence for a while, just appreciating to be alive. Liam's fingers found mine and I slowly reached down as I brought our hands towards my lips and planted a kiss on his palm.

"What will happen now?"

I looked up at Liam and realized that in the hours he had been gone a new day had begun and he didn't have a clue about what had happened behind his closed eyes.

"Well, your brother is in the police station. Both your mother and father have been here coming and going, I told them that I would stay here with you until you woke up and call them as soon as that happens. I have never seen your father like that, I don't even know what to call it, Liam. He just looked completely broken."

Liam slowly nodded but didn't look completely satisfied with my response.

"That's not what I meant. Laura, the summer is almost over and neither of us will be here after that. I almost died but you saved me, what is going to happen with us now?"

I tried to understand all of the thoughts rushing through my head. I hadn't even thought about that fact and suddenly the truth with Liam's eyes that had such a strong shine of hopefulness stared right at me.

"What do you mean?"

I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Laura, I have always loved you. From when I act like a complete shit, to when I hold you in my arms. I have done mistakes and done everything to show my love for you after that. I would follow you anywhere, but now it is all up to you. Have you forgiven me? Does what we have end with this summer? Do you love me?"

Is it in general seen as a burden or a blessing to pull your history with you to a new town? What if that is the greatest thing I want in life but at the same is what I fear the most? If there is something that I have learned in my 17 years of life it is that nothing will ever get better from just running away from your problems, you either continue or you end it. Cut it off and move on or enjoy the ride you have created.

If we only focus our eyes and attention on the problem, the solution together with happiness and joy will be right in front of us but still out of our reach. But fighting won't solve anything, violence is born out of violence and hatred is just a by-product of that dark spiral of suffering.

It might sound cliché but in the end, we will all be searching for happiness. We will always be out on a hunt for it and what the hell, I am young and I have years in front of me where I can overthink about all that I did in life when I was young. You can't have joy without sadness and there won't ever be those hissing times which sparks a sense of nostalgia in every part of our body without taking risks. Live long and love much, life is too short to not do so.

Love, Laura Nancy Collins

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Your dearest,

6th of April