Memories of Summer

[Week 7: Liam]

There are some certain things in this world that we can't remember forever much we might want to. Some memories just seem to be more valued by our mind which makes them last longer than others.

Maybe they were triggered by fear, happiness or anger. Nights with friends, vacations or parties just seem to fade out slowly from our conscious without our permission. Maybe that is why we find it so important to capture them by a camera. To be our proof of a history we no longer remember.

But one thing is for sure, I would never want the look in my brother's eyes ever captured by a camera. The wicked thoughts and anger hiding behind his grey eyes as he recognized who I was. It was clear to see that he was drunk as he stumbled towards us and the bottle in his hand confirmed it.

I got up as I had seen this behavior too many times before. Through our entire childhood, Noah had a hard time handling alcohol. It wasn't that he drank often or much, it was just his answer to stress and sadness. His tolerance was low which made his senses numb and it was a state of mind he preferred over most.

But I had never seen such anger in his eyes. He always used to be calm as he drifted away. But as he stood before me I could see how his muscles tensed and when he looked at you, Laura, I felt my own pulse rising.

I called out his name.

I had watched my father do the same thing many times and it always seemed to get my brother a dose of reality. The last thing I expected was for him to keep moving against us, I couldn't have him hurt you.

He moved towards you and I didn't know what to do, there was no use in trying to fight a drunk person in front of a cliff. Laura, all over my brother's face was a pain. But it wasn't the kind of pain that a stranger could just point out, it was the kind of pain you only see as a person who actually knows you.

I didn't know what to do, he was drunk and didn't respond to me saying his name. So he took a hold of me and the only thing I could think of was for you to get away from there. I couldn't also help but think that when his fingers pressed hard against my throat that I might have been the grip of reality that my brother needed.

As my breaths were fighting to say your name he strangled them into nothing. I couldn't fight him, all that I felt was that it was wrong. He was my brother and to see him like this just shocked every single nerve in my entire body.

He pushed both of our bodies closer to the edge and as everything started to get blurry I saw in the corner of my eye how you slowly started to get up, I understand that you must have been scared. Of that, I neither will or can ever blame you.

I tried to look at you and warn you, but my brother's grip was too strong and I couldn't turn my head. Far down I could hear the waves longing for me. After all, I have done, maybe it was what I deserved?

In the final moment, a dull smile spread across my brother's face. It, if not the whole experience, will forever be the most frightening thing I have ever seen. Where in this did he find joy?

He didn't say anything even though his lips formed the word "goodbye" and a hard breeze of whiskey hit me. At this moment I tried to fight but it was too late, I could already hear my lungs craving for air and my heart beating harder than normal.

I believe that it was at this moment that my mind created this idea that for a person to be forgiven it can sometimes require a little and sometimes a lot more. Can what the person has done be redeemed by your history and previous events with that individual? Is the weight of happiness and appreciation you feel for that human stronger than all the feelings combined that hit you when that person acted? Is your love strong enough to survive through?

Is it time for you to move on from that somebody, or from that incident?

I fell. Seeing your face, Laura, over the cliff was both what I wanted and what I didn't. In those final seconds, your face gave me such comfort even though fear was written all over it. This was just never the end I imagined for us, in my head, I wanted to be forgiven before I died.

I'm sorry Leyley, I love you.

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Your dearest,

6th of April