Outside the Lines (lashton)

(35)

"Mom, what if this is what I want?" And the words surprise myself. I didn't realise this is what I wanted until this discussion finally came to light. "I want to get back into music. I want to record, I want to play! I miss doing band activities so much. This could be a good thing, you know?" I try to convince her.

She shakes her head in response, "You need to put your mental health first, honey."

"This would help tremendously with my mental health. I feel useless staying at home now that there's no more interviews to do in Sydney. And music has always helped me, you know that."

She seems to think over my words before speaking again, asking what my dad thinks.

"Honestly, I think it would be the best thing for him, as long as he keeps up with his treatment plan. It would be like the time they went to England."

She hums, thinking out loud. "You could go to a therapist and psychiatrist over there I suppose. I assume he'll have a management team there as well?" she asks, and my management team nods, letting her know that their California team would be a drive away.

"Well, if your father agrees with this, and if this is really what you think will help you, then I see no reason as to why you should stay here."

I glow up immediately, hugging her from beside me, muttering multiple thanks. I can hear the excitement from the other boys over Skype.

Then the discussion gets rolling. Where we'll be staying, our schedule - we'll be very busy and I couldn't be more excited - which seems to make my mom worry, a list of people we'll be meeting up to collaborate with, and a bunch of other stuff to prepare. The meeting lasts an hour overall. When management hangs up on Skype, it's just the boys and me.

"I can't believe this is happening. We get to stay in Los Angeles for a few months!" Calum exclaims.

"I can't believe we can leave in a week, that it's already set up and everything," Michael says.

"I just can't believe this is our life. We get to live our dreams," Ashton says dreamily. Everyone, including myself, agrees.

"Do you wanna hang out?" Ashton directs his question to all of us. We all agree that we should celebrate, deciding to go to the movie theater to see Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones. There's a showing starting at three thirty, and it's almost three. Ashton says he'll be around to pick us all up in fifteen minutes.

Only ten minutes pass by before my mum and dad approach me wordlessly.

"Hi, need something?" I chuckle nervously. I know this has to do about L.A. somehow. They were just in the kitchen whispering to each other. I couldn't make out what they said, but I know this is about what was discussed previously.

"Are you sure going to Los Angeles is a good idea? You've only been home for three weeks, honey," my mom says to me.

"Your mother's right. Don't you think you should take things slow?" my dad adds, which confuses me. Wasn't he on my side a few minutes ago?

I look between them and sigh, knowing they don't understand. "Haven't you ever had a passion as strong as mine is for music?"

They both shake their heads. "Not as strong as yours, no," my mom says.

"Then you can't possibly understand how much this would mean to me," I try to explain.

"And you can't possibly understand how much it hurts to see one of your children go through an eating disorder. We only want the best for you Luke," my dad tells me.

"You have to trust me, I believe that this is what's best. I'll still see a therapist while I'm there and everything. Please support me in this," I beg them. It seems to do the trick because they're both agreeing and I'm hugging the life out of them. Just then, Ashton pulls up.

"I'll be home before dinner!" I yell behind me.

"Wait, Luke! What about your snack?"

Shit, I completely forgot about that.

"I'll eat popcorn at the movie theater!" I yell again, hopping into Ashton's car.

As soon as I've stopped rushing, and buckle myself in, I feel a low panic bubble inside me. Popcorn, right. Popcorn loaded with butter, I can do this.

I stare out the window, trying to psych myself up for the movie but I can't get past my worry over the damn popcorn. Of course I could get something else but what's a healthy option at a movie theatre?

We arrive, and before I unbuckle, Ashton says, "Cal, Mike, why don't you two go ahead and buy the tickets?" They happily oblige, and we give them our money to get the tickets. I know Ashton wants to talk to me and see where I'm at today, since I didn't talk for the entire car ride.

"How are you?" he asks me, grabbing my hand and looking into my eyes once they leave.

I sigh, letting my thoughts spill. "It's stupid, it's really stupid. But I'm having a bad day mentally and I didn't have a snack yet, so I told my parents I'd have popcorn here. And now I keep thinking, why didn't I just take a supplement and drink it in the car? I should have known I couldn't handle buttery popcorn." I take my hands away from his and tug my hair angrily.

"Hey, stop that please," his hand follows mine to my hair and he pulls mine away, rubbing his thumb over my hand. "If you need to, I can drive you home, or we can drive over to a shop and pick up a snack for you. But Luke, I think you can handle this. You've done so well so far with getting past foods that scare you, and I think you can do this."

"And if I can't?" I ask quietly.

"If you can't, no big deal. Just one step back."

"Right, one step. Tomorrow will be better, I bet," I say, trying to reassure myself.

"Don't give up on today just yet. We're going to see a great movie, and I'll be there the whole time so I'll try to distract you from anything you're feeling," he tells me, squeezing my hand gently, then leans in to give me a slow and soft kiss. He really is an angel.

I breathe deeply and say, "Okay, let's go then."

The movie isn't as good as the previous of the franchise, but it isn't awful either. The popcorn situation wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be either. After the first initial bites, it was easier to get through munching on it. I didn't eat too much though, but I figured I could make up for it with some supplement when I get home. I probably should stop relying on these supplements. That's a problem to fix for another time though.

Ashton gives me a quick kiss before I'm leaving the car, and I watch him drive away.

When I walk into the house, my dad is in the kitchen with my mom, both of them cooking dinner.

"I'm home," I greet them.

"How was the movie?" my dad asks me.

"Eh, it wasn't the greatest but it wasn't the worst either," I tell him truthfully.

"How'd your snack go?" Mom asks me. She always monitors my meals when she's home, and I let her. If it will help her to worry less, then I don't mind. I minded in the beginning, but then she told me how worried she is about me and I couldn't let myself care after hearing her words.

I notice the meal they're making, it's steak sandwiches with cheese. It use to be one of my favourites before any of this happened.

"Um, it went well. Had a nice helping of the popcorn," I lie. "I'll be upstairs, call me when dinner is ready!" I call back, retreating to the stairs.

As I walk up the stairs, I notice my thighs rubbing against each other with each step I take.

Only having half a snack never hurt anyone, right?