What If I Had

twenty two - something blue

"Look, Rick." Inhaling deeply and subtly, I didn't really take into account what I wanted to say. What came out next was just mostly me thinking out loud. "I know I may not be... your wife, ok? I understand that. I-I may not be the woman you married, but I sure as shit know that lamenting over it isn't going to rewrite history. It's not."

I noticed Rick glance at me from the corner of his eye, head still faced forward.

"You can sit there all you want and side-eye me but no matter how many shots you take, your marriage will still forever stay as a reminder to you. That the smartest man in the universe had one failure that even idiots could achieve: you couldn't make a marriage work. You fell in love, against every logical bone in your body, statistically knowing that it could end up the way it---"

"Your point, Gwendolyn?" Rick snapped. "What.. the fuck... is your point?"

I dug my heel into the barstool to swivel me around to face Rick fully. My hands intertwined and sitting on my lap, my head hung low as I slowly breathe in.

"There isn't a universe you could hop to that doesn't involve you and I... technically I... working out in the end. There is no happy-go-lucky universe in existence where everything worked out and we live together as an old couple, with Beth a successful surgeon for humans, and the grandkids---" I peeked up to catch Rick's reaction. "It's... still very weird of me to say."

"I lived a good 17 years back in my timeline before being sucked out to this one. I've been stuck here for years, God knows how long with my mentality growing with every turn of the sun but my body refusing to give up the facade. This was all before realizing Morty existed, before I realized I was living right next door to my family. Morty's the reason why. He's how I found you."

Rick was now facing me, the look on his face softened. I could tell now that he was getting tipsy.

"Since the facade's been broken, all the mirages around me are fading. My adoptive parents, the way I look, the way I feel... it's made me think of the future a lot and I realize that if it is going down the path I think it's going to go, then I might as well just live it out to the fullest. I mean, I've got my family living right across from me. Things are out of my control right now, and I think I'm ok with that. Whatever happens next is for the universe to decide... right?"

I held my breath, biting down on my lip, my eyes pinched shut. I was sort of scared to see how Rick would react to all of this. I was kind of nihilistic with it, but I hoped I wasn't too harsh with my projection.

"I... I just want you to be happy, Rick."

Slowly, I opened one eye to see what Rick had plastered on his face.

He waited until I eased up, had both my eyes opened and my shoulders relaxed, before reaching out to hold my hand.

"Winnie," a cool shiver ran up my spine when he called me by that long forgotten nickname.

"It's sweet of you to care about me like that, but... well, you shouldn't invest a lot of emotion into me. I tend to disappoint..." The entire time Rick held my hand he was rubbing the back of it with his thumb, which was so soothing up until he basically told me not to care about him.

I yanked it out of his reach. "Rick, how could you say something like that? It's not like you have a-a target on your back or a price on your head or something."

Rick chuckled, "You don't know the half of it, sweetie." He turned to tap on the countertop again, demanding the attention of the bartender to fill his drink again. I just sat there and sighed, lifting up the back of my low ponytail with my fingers and rubbing the nape of my neck. As if I could rub out all the stress I'd been retaining.

I reached out to take my glass of water before fixing my dress and stepping up off of the barstool. I had a right mind to just leave him there and let him drink his self-pity away, but...

Something held me back.

I stopped after taking a few steps away from the bar. Cautiously turning on my heel, I walk back towards Rick.

Once I reach him, I wrap my free arm around Rick's shoulders and plant a soft kiss on his cheek. I hugged him from behind, tight enough to feel our heartbeats sync.

"You know I don't deserve you."

"Rick," I breathed. "I know the kind of man you are. I know you. I also know that the universe will toss you a bone soon, one way or another. Just... just this once, now that I know who I am, please just ease up. If not for you or anyone else, do it for me..."

Stepping out of the hug and away from Rick, I turned again and started making my way to the ceremony. Hopefully my words with Rick will resonate, because we're at a wedding.

I mean, really.

What's the worst that could happen, aside from Tammy being a total bitch?

* chapters twenty-three to twenty-five: june nineteenth *