Forever Yours

Pained Question Pt1

John Murphy

"Pick up your feet!" Emori scolded as she swung her wooden staff.

When and why had I agreed to this?  This is not what I considered a double date like I had thought it would be!

Emori and I were battle training (because apparently I can't use anything but a knife efficiently) alongside Octavia and Lincoln, who were more busy staring into each other's eyes to actually be doing much training.

"I don't have your experience!" I yelped as her staff came a little too close to my stomach for comfort.

"That's why I'm giving you some!  No one else who attacks you is going to care if they hurt or kill you!" She said, grunting as I brought my own staff up to block her blow.

I huffed, "That's why I'm bait and you do the fighting!" I said.

She shook her head fondly, smiling, "I might not always be there to save you." She reminded, pulling back from the spar.

For a brief moment it felt like the world froze, like my heart stopped.  Just like it always did when she said something like that.

I knew all too well that in this life, in this world, that tomorrow was a no guarantee.  That one day someone could be here and the next they're gone.  That all it takes is one misstep, one mistake, and someone dies.

And once I had acknowledged that openly, had been ready to accept that at any moment the people around me could die - that I could die.  But now not so much.

The thought of losing Emori was the worst thing I could imagine.  After everything we'd been through I couldn't imagine having to wake up in the morning and not see her.  I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to live day after day without hearing her laugh or seeing her smile.  I knew without a doubt that if something did happen to her that I'd spend the rest of my life repeatedly thinking, "What could I have done to stop it from happening?"

"John?" Her voice was soft and I realized I hadn't said anything and had just stood there, lost in thought.

"Yeah?" I asked, voice rougher than normal from the dark train of thought I'd been following.

"You okay?" She asked worriedly.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine.  Just got lost in thought for a minute."

I'm almost a hundred percent sure she didn't buy it but she didn't press.

She nodded, "Had enough for today?" She said, clearly deciding to offer me a way out of the situation.

I nodded, "Yeah.  I think I'm gonna head back to the room." I said, my thoughts still spinning with the thought of losing her.

She nodded, stepping forward to take my hand in her normal one, "I'll be there soon." She promised softly.

For a moment, where my mind was, it reminded me of one of those Old Earth songs that I'd heard as a kid.  It was a love song where they were going to run away together and the girl had chores to do before she left so she'd left a note for her lover, "I've got some chores to do, I'll be there soon.  Just wait for me." And it went on to say that she had indeed come and they'd left.  But he'd ended up dying too soon, leaving her alone, and so she said, "I've got some chores to do, I'll be there soon.  Just wait for me."

I forced myself to nod, pecking her lips, "I love you." I whispered softly, for her ears alone.

She smiled softly, "I love you too." She said, just as quietly.