Hating Intimacy #1

Hating Intimacy- Chapter 6

HATING INTIMACY
CHAPTER SIX

"The only thing I've learnt from love is
the power it gives someone to completely
crush you."

Deborah's P.O.V

"I love you Lisa."

"I love you too Dustin."

My heart clenched at the sight. Dustin held Lisa captive, with his hands at both sides of her head and his lips barely apart from hers.

And it had to be on my locker.

It's like they love my downfall, it's like they have no respect for the girl that is breaking apart and just have to shove it in my face, how good of a couple they are.

It's not fair. I don't deserve this. I deserve him. But she has him and I can't ever have him. I let him slip away from my fingers because I was to shy to tell him how I felt, so I held on to what we had, hoping he would eventually feel the same.

I've never felt more stupid.

A hand shook my shoulder. "Deborah?" I turned to Amy with watery eyes. "It's okay." She assured making rage feel me instantly.

"It's not okay! How can you keep saying that?" I snapped.

"Orah?" The voice left me speechless and I had to take in a sharp breath before finding enough courage to turn to them.

They were both standing next to each other, keeping a good distance. Lisa looked at me with a guilt filled expression on her face.

"What?" I snapped. "Do you want to reject me again and walk away. Forget about the heart you just broke and not bother to apologize or try to make it feel better. To give up on a lifetime full of friendship because you want to spend every second of the day with your new girlfriend." I spat with heavy breaths.

I turned away but was stopped by a hand grabbing my wrist. I whipped my head to Dustin, "let me go." I said with quivering lips and felt myself loosing all bravery at his touch.

"Orah... Please let me explain." He begged and I squeeze my eyes shut, preventing my tears from coming out but still felt a tear stroll down my cheek.

"Let me go Dustin." I croaked out and when he didn't I forcefully snatched my hand away. My body missed the feel of his fingers on mine.

I began to walk away. "Please Deborah, let's talk about this." Lisa begged. "Please..." I turned to her and my heart broke at her watery eyes. Why do I keep hurting everyone? I don't want anyone to be hurt, it doesn't feel right.

I just want them to stay away from me. I'm the key to their sadness. I'm nothing but a rejected and depressed girl with nothing to gain.

"Just leave me alone!" I screamed and left in a sprint.

I ran as fast as I could without looking back. I ran into the parking lot and rushed into my car then quickly drove home, thank goodness I left it at school yesterday.

When I reached my front porch I saw Amy's car pull up next to mine on the drive way and I rushed inside, then locked the front door.

"Deborah! Please let me in!" Amy begged as she knocked softly on the door.

"Go away!" I called back.

"Please Deborah!" She begged and I closed my eyes In annoyance. I just want to be left alone! I don't need her or anyone else.

All I want is him, and he is something I can never get.

"I don't need you Amy! Just go away! I want to be on my own!" I screamed at her through the door. "Can't you tell when someone doesn't need you anymore! All you did was pity me! It's not like you did anything but complain! Just go!" I lied.

She did help me. A lot.

But I'm hurting her, I can't do that. It's best to keep her away from me anyway possible.

"Debra... Y-you don't mean that." She said. I cringed at the load of hurt in her voice, but stood strong.

"Get out! I don't need you. I never did!" I snapped, my feet suddenly lost all its strength and I fell to the ground and leaned on the door. It was silent for a while before she huffed in anger.

"Fine. But I'll be back for you Deborah. You're not getting rid of me that easily." She spat and I heard her footsteps storm down the front porch.

I guess that's it. I have no one.

Except one.

I pulled out the piece of paper and dialed the number on my phone. It rang for a while before it was finally picked. "Rico?"

"Deborah? How's it going?" He cheered, but I doubt he'd want to know.

"I want to ask you a question." I said seriously, ignoring his last statement. He hummed in response but still spoke.

"What do you need?" He asked suddenly serious, but I knew that he knows what the question was.

"I've changed my mind. Is the offer still up?" I asked as I stared blankly at the wall in front of me.

My mind imagining hundreds of fascinating patterns on the flat surface. Memories flooding through my head like a stormy ocean, each of them reminding me of how I can never get him. My heart breaking at how he just keeps drifting apart by the minute. A thought of anger comes in me but exhaustion overflowed it. I'm tired of everything.

I just want to forget.

"Still hurt, huh?" He asked. I sniffed and let out a sigh of annoyance.

"I don't have time for this Rico." I snapped.

"Okay! I get it. No stalling." He said defensively. "But." He hesitated. "Are you sure you want to do this? Remember I'm your friend and no matter how much of a hypocrite I may sound right now, drugs are not the answer." He said in concern.

"I just want to forget Rico. I'm hurt. Please." I pleaded with a cracked voice as another row of memories flashed in my mind and fresh tears began to surface. "I'm tired of hurting."

"What if you get addicted."

"Then I get over it."

"It's not that easy Deborah. Trust me."

"What if I don't care. It's easy to not care isn't it?"

"What if you die of overdose."

"Then I will finally stop breathing. Stop thinking. Stop feeling. Stop hurting. Stop crying. Stop breaking apart. I will finally be happy. Please don't take this away from me Rico." I begged.

He sighed in defeat.

"Meet me at the park in one hour."

AUTHORS NOTE
Oooohhhh, Deborah's gonna do drugs?!
How do you think the others would react to this? What do you think will happen in the next chapter.
ELIZI❤️