Hating Intimacy #1

Hating Intimacy- Chapter 1

HATING INTIMACY
CHAPTER ONE.

"One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, fall in love with someone.
And that someone isn't you."

Deborah's P.O.V

I walked down the lunch room, ignoring glances sent my way as head I towards my table in slow but confident strides.

The large number of eyes and heads that turned my way sent an uneasy feeling in my stomach. People judged me, people always judge me, every where I go there always has to be someone that looks for something wrong in me, just for their disgusting satisfaction.

School was not an exception, it's even where I'm judged the most. Being - in this case - 'Popular' might be fun at times, because of the respect you get and credits given to you. People tend to remember who you are and you feel you have a place in the world - you feel important.

But yet, everything has its disadvantages. Having to deal with people's stares everywhere I go is highly uncomfortable. It makes me feel self conscious at times, and when the whispers cut in I try my best to ignore them. High school is a gossip playground after all.

When I was going through my anxiety, low self esteem and depression it was a hard stage in my life. At those times I needed my friends and family. It was a horrible experience, but I've never been more grateful for it, those times helped me realize my real friends from my fake ones - the people that really care.

When I get to my usual table in the middle of the cafeteria, I take a seat next to my close friend; Amy. She pauses in her speech with a boy next to her and glances up at me with a grin.

"Hey Deborah." She greets. "Edward was just telling me about this really cool game show he watched last night." She added, referring to the dark skinned boy in glasses seating next to her.

"Hi." I give the boy a genuine smile.

"Hello." He replied timidly and avoided my gaze as he tried to hide his smile. He's so cute.

I turned my attention to Amy. I haven't seen her all day, because we don't have any morning classes together. I notice she left her red hair down in natural curls and not in a high ponytail or neat bun like she used to. She looked much better than usual.

"Where is your food?" She asks me. I give her a simple shrug and place my elbow on the table then rest my cheek on my palm.

"Not hungry." I reply blankly and stare at the large burger and fries in front of her. I immediately shudder at her choice of food and quickly turn away.

The others at the table gave me smiles which I returned with forced ones of my own.

Fake.

All of them, a group of people who promise to always have your back and end up stabbing it when you're not looking. I'm honestly getting tired of their forced smiles, empty promises and awkward conversations. But I just choose to ignore it and move on.

I'm grateful for the two good friends in my life, Amy and Dustin. The only two people who care. Speaking of Dustin, I noticed he wasn't at the table, my mind was always crowded with thoughts about him no matter how hard I try to stop.