Under Sorrow

Chapter 3

I lie on my mat looking at the white ceiling. My vision was surrounded by white. The fluorescent light kept me awake when my body was exhausted. I look to my side and see the peels of the orange I ate.

I couldn't stop thinking about today. I felt happy. I have never talked so much with someone like that before. I was a bit nervous throughout. Yet, it all felt natural. I thought he was going to push me away eventually. He was a bit shaken up as everyone else would be when arriving here. I shouldn't have scared him at first the way I did, but I can't sugarcoat anything after what he saw at the cooking class. He was a bit different from what I expected. He trusted me pretty easily. Normally everyone who I encounter avoids me or gets scared to talk to me. I'm not sure what the outside world is like, but he must've inhabited somewhere far from here. Maybe age has to do with it? He looks young. He's probably lying?

He looks different from what I'm used to. I've never seen such features on a boy. His delicate and soft looking facial frame. The sharp yet droopy eyes. Most noticeably, his large pink lips. They remind me of peaches. There was something about his personality and his aura that made him so charming. He laughs a lot too. I don't usually see that happening here. He's weird...

He seems so out of this world I'm not sure how to feel. He just seems too good to be true. Everyone here is so dull. Everyone here is afraid. For the first time I was not ignored and didn't pose as a threat. Why... did he trust me so easily? In the tea, I could have easily drugged him. I could have stabbed him with my knife when cutting the lemon. I could have burned his face on the stove. Why did he expect that I was actually going to help him? Is he just that naive? Is his world just that much different from mine?

I don't get it how he just followed along with me. If he were to be with someone else, he would not have lived past today. Especially when he's sick, he's susceptible to be an easy target. A question came into mind after thinking that. Why did I try to save this boy? The answer is I wanted redemption. I felt so inferior and even when I know my place in this society. I want to help people when they need it. When Jimin arrived I was scared that if I never acted I wouldn't accomplish what I wanted to do most. I wanted to save someone from this place. I hated watching people die and disappearing right in front of me.

After meeting Jimin, I missed out on saving someone that must've been like him. After being so caught up with trying to survive here for so long, there's just no point for me to live like this watching people die without doing something about it. I'm so tired of it. I feel awful. The fact that if I just pushed myself a little more, I could have prevented some of us from dying... From each other, from the wakers, from the sheer pleasure of murdering someone because some students are bored.

Now that I mention it, there is one student that kills people in secrecy. I'm not sure what his name was, but I had a bad feeling about him the first day he arrived as a transfer student. He was familiar with this place because he was from a different district. I think what I heard from overhearing one of the wakers conversations was that he did a mass killing in his classroom and then he was later put into isolation for a few years. He came here and he was pretty quiet. It's well known that our facility is one of the top strict in our district. So if he does anything funny he'll get heavily punished for it. The thing is, he isn't getting punished for it and everyone here knows. He doesn't kill students all the time, but the day he arrived there have been more transfer students. It worries me. I have to be aware that Jimin is most vulnerable here and I have to let him know about that guy.