stray kids ; changlix | crash ↺

19 | take care

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"—felix wait! wait, i can explain!" i called out immediately, scurrying up as i dashed towards the door.

my hand flew towards the handle but in the next moment; my whole body was thrown backwards onto the floor. felix's father was grasping my forearm tightly, his eyes on mine as i tried not to show the pain that burst through my ankle with the rough landing.

i awaited in sudden fear of what he was going to do, but before he could utter a word, my mother was by my side, unclasping him from me as her short figure fumed. "touch him again— or speak to him the way you spoke before, and i swear you'll regret it," she gritted her teeth.

and maybe my mother was just a small woman in her later years, but no matter the fact — you couldn't deny that the atmosphere around her grew dense in countless seconds.

when felix's father let go of me, my skin was slightly bruised, bitter in pink as goosebumps ran all over. and when i gulped through the courage to look at him, i saw his eyes casting down into the ground.

"i'm so disgusted by the two of you. we invited you to see how well felix was doing here, for you to see how happy he was and how much his health improved. not to create this mess," my mother complied, then she turned towards me, her gaze searching me up and down. "binnie please be careful, and go bring felix back home," she murmured, her voice as soft as a lullaby.

awestruck, i stood for a moment before regaining my thoughts. and the next thing i knew — i was out of the door and in the middle of a storm.

i half-ran half-limped towards the shed at the side of our house, thanking myself for being so forgetful in terms of locking the door each morning.

i hopped onto my bike and stared overhead, rummaging through the clouds that yelled of coming thunders.

"—bring felix back home."

i couldn't think, i couldn't breathe, but my feet ran the pedals by themselves, and my eyes pierced through every shadow and every raindrop that cascaded down onto me.

i was cycling on automatic, hands grasped so tightly on the handlebar that they began turning red by the moment. i was panicking, panting as something heavy settled in my chest.

why did i do that? why did i invite felix's parents? why did i think it was such a great idea? why did i—

there he was.

blonde hair sticking to his skin, hoodie soaked in falling rain, eyes swollen as they dug into his own feet, striding without a single care in the world.

the storm was over him, his silhouette just a shadow in the street-light ten steps behind.

his head hung low, his arms were restless. and he kicked his shoes at the air as he walked the sidewalk, while his body was toppling over with the wind.

at that sight, my heart ached like never before.

"felix!" my voice was a rumble of thunder by itself against the storming whispers of a beaten night.

he spinned around to face me without a thought as i cycled up, dropped my bicycle and ran to pull him close towards me.

i don't know why, but i burst into tears.

my hands wrapped around his shoulders tightly, pulling him a bit down as he hugged me back.

i couldn't relax into his touch, not when i knew that i might lose him again if i let go.

"i'm sorry, i'm so sorry—" i kept murmuring into his neck, tears mixing with the rain that gnawed above our heads.

"binnie why—" his voice was quiet, weak and barely audible, "—why did you do that?"

"i wanted to make you to happy," i whispered and released my hold to look at him, my lips quivered with the cold.

his eyes told me about the hesitation in his head, that he couldn't make up his mind.

"—felix let's go back home," i pleaded, our hands locked.

"my parents—" felix's body was shaking, from both the coldness and his fear, "—i can't."

my hopes fell just as hard as the rain that was smashing into my shoulders.

i eyed the sleeping houses, my bike lying flat, felix crying before me. the skies were beyond black, flashing in screams, as casting street-lights fought without avail.

i hated storms.

"felix let's go," i tugged his hand behind me but he halted in his tracks.

"i'm not going back—"

"i know, let's just hide from this weather," my teeth clattered as he then gave in.

i picked up my bicycle and motioned for felix to sit behind me. something ran in his head for a moment before he agreed. weakly nodding, he got on and wrapped his arms around my stomach from the back, and together we took off into the depths of the night.

i had one destination in mind, but it wasn't home.

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written: february 23, 2018 | 21:28pm

whishy washy, meh, my metaphorical and poetic side took over the writing process for this chapter