stray kids ; changlix | crash ↺

14 | wonder

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i slammed my bike against the shed's wall and regreted the decision immediately, cringing from the rattle of unintentional noise that i mustered early this morning.

shutting my eyes, i was ready to hear my mother's piercing voice, calling out my name and telling me to be quiet because the neighbours were still asleep.

but with every thumping heartbeat that echoed by — i remained in the presence of silence, suddenly remembering that my parents left for the whole day.

i vaguely recalled them mentioning that they also took miss lee jooyun and my father's researcher friend with them, completely leaving the house in my trusting hands.

or should i say, in mine and felix's?

now thinking of him, i chuckled. i dont't know if he knows, but the younger boy is like a koala when he's asleep. he hugs the life out of me, and sometimes i fear that i won't wake up the next day just because felix choked me in my sleep with his affectionate embraces.

don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining, but whenever i leave to cycle in the morning — it's impossible to untangle him from myself without waking him up.

he'd stagger with his eyes half-open and pout at me leaving, making my heart clench as he would wrap himself back asleep and doze off alone.

each morning, all the same, and when i would come back; he'd be helping my mother set the table for breakfast or he'd be simply talking with my father over a mug of hot chocolate.

but when i shuffled through the corridors and made my way upstairs — i was surprised to see felix quietly snoring into my pillow, his black hair a mess on his head as he lay on his side.

he looked so peaceful with the sun beaming through the curtains, and i couldn't help but smile at the sight.

i shrugged off my hoodie, flopping quietly onto the bed as i lay close and faced him. and for the millionth time, my eyes roamed his features as if i've never seen him before. i guess i just simply couldn't get enough of him.

"why are you always staring at me?" felix suddenly mumbled, jolting me out of my thoughts as he fluttered his eyes open.

"i— how'd you know i was staring?" i stuttered, my cheeks tinting pink.

"i heard your bike and pretended to be asleep," he giggled, stretching his arms as an excuse to lay them on my waist.

"that's rude," i commented, watching as he sighed back into a nap.

"well you're rude too," felix murmured.

"what did i do now?" i pouted, nuzzling my nose into his neck.

the younger boy laughed at me, "don't pull your aegyo on me this early," he made me face him again. "and you're rude because you always leave me in the morning, and evening," he explained, avoiding my eyes.

for a moment i didn't know what to say, faltering into a daze as i unconsciously continued to stare at him.

"all you ever do is cycle around town," felix hummed, "and you never tell me why," he ran his hand along my lower back, sending shivers down my arms.

"yeah," i sighed, "it distracts me from my thoughts."

"what thoughts?" his eyes met mine, knocking away any sense i had left. i gulped, my stomach felt like a whirlpool and my heart was beating louder than my words.

"my thoughts about you," i couldn't stop the words that escaped my mouth.

felix let out a inaudible gasp, unable to reply as he just let silence overtake anything that he was about to say.

and that moment, i didn't want any words between us.

i noticed his eyes flicker down to my lips, but he slowly pulled them back up once i began to lean in.

and i really didn't know what i was doing, but whatever it was — it felt right.

his eyes fluttered close, and my hand softly reached to rest on his jaw. i almost didn't realise it, but i also shut my eyes. and i don't know where this courage and need to kiss him came from, but i pressed my lips against his and let my fingers slide behind his neck and pull him even closer.

felix responded to the kiss immediately, his hands now running under my shirt and pulling me towards him as none of us broke away.

our lips locked in a way that i could have never imagined, and for our first kiss, my first kiss — i was surprised by how fulfilling it was.

i pulled away a moment later, panting as my sight fell on felix. he was smiling, a type of smile that i haven't seen before; where his eyes glistened and his face blushed a calm shade of red while his lips curved upwards in the most beautiful way.

"i think this is the part where i confess my undying love for you," he whispered.

and instead of waiting for a response, felix pulled me into a deeper kiss.

i lost all thought, all words and all worries i ever had. all the times i felt out of place, all the years i felt alone — none of it mattered right now. not when i had felix in my arms, not when my heart spoke louder than the words i've been hiding for too long.

"i— i love you," i whispered into the kiss.

pausing, felix looked at me and pressed his forehead against mine. "if love is what makes me feel happier around you, and what sends shivers down my spine whenever you touch me — then i definitely love you too."

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written: january 26, 2018 | 16:53pm

: i'm sorry, all this week i've been out doing musicals and solo rehearsals, and i had no time to write BUT i wrote this during my interval and i hope it's not too bad :')